Fortune Cookie Blog (icky anecdote)

 

Once upon a time, there existed a toxic, idiotic, moronic, demonic,
dogmatic, demagogic, homophobic, germ-o-phobic, pornographic,
apoplectic, impolitic, imbecilic, syphilitic, parasitic, narcissistic, mi-
sogynistic, erratic, geriatric, orgiastic, drastic, plastic, sarcastic, sa-
distic, bombastic, barbaric, histrionic, caustic, neurotic, psychotic,
chaotic, catastrophic, psychopathic, pathogenic, carcinogenic, ec-
centric, vitriolic, volcanic, undiplomatic, gigantic Fascist! The End!

 

Stay Safe… Stay Home… Stay Healthy…

 

 

 

 

 

Fortune Cookie Blog (Riddle)

 

Q. What is the official designation for the revolving door workplace,
from which the rotund, corpulent commandant uses circumlocution
to traffic in his ditzy, run around in circles laws? A. The Oval Office!

 

Stay Safe… Stay Home… Stay Healthy…

 

 

 

 

 

The DIY Pandemic Mechanic

 

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.” Not a new adage by any means but, against the unattractive backdrop of COVID-19, these very words did serve as my save my own butt, call to action. After all, the alternative would be to go out in public. The consequences might include getting gravely ill and, eventually, dropping dead. Now, on to my story…

“The Problem” arose about ten days ago. Just as I was completing my weekly yard work, years worth of metal fatigue had finally weakened my electric weed whacker’s, built into the handle, connection prongs. On the plus side, I was damned lucky they hadn’t totally broken off and lodged within the extension cord’s outlet.

Essentially, this was a device, with an otherwise perfectly functional motor, which had been rendered utterly useless. Ordinarily, I’d have hopped into my car, headed over to the nearest home improvement store and blown about fifty of my hard-earned dollars to purchase a replacement.

But, seeing how the malfeasance, negligence and ignorance of my homeland’s infantile leader had rendered running life’s simplest errands arduous and perilous, I rapidly scuttled such an undertaking. On the plus side, I may’ve even avoided a much too soon meeting with the undertaker, too.

However, unlike said “leader”, I realized I could avoid COVID-19 by donning my thinking cap and getting down to work.

After all, this involved a repair task that any self-respecting electrician could do in her / his sleep. And, since I do have approximately 30, mid 1970s era, electrical engineering college credits under my belt, I felt qualified to get ‘er done.

True, sans a manufacturer’s schematic diagram, I’d need to pay particularly close attention during disassembly… i.e., mentally map out the details of this device’s inner-workings (e.g., wiring, polarity issues, how the trigger switch interfaced, etc.).

The very fact that I’d need my Allen wrench to remove the handle’s five screws, amply emphasized the manufacturer’s public safety concerns. This was their way of posting a KEEP OUT / NO USER SERVICEABLE PARTS WITHIN sign. I mean they certainly did not want DIY’ers getting electrocuted.

My game plan was to [1] sever the wires to the two prongs, remove and discard them, [2] strip off approximately two centimeters of each wire’s insulation, [3] splice on a short segment of similar grade wiring (with a preexisting attached plug) and [4] exit this wire out the old prongs’ preexisting apertures. My having two rolls of different color duct tape certainly did come in handy to address the wire polarity and new insulation issues.

Prior to reassembly I decided to run a test. To protect myself from potential electrocution, I donned a pair of insulating, plastic gloves (just in case I had, somehow, mucked this up). Triggering the motor, in an instant, it roared back to life (with absolutely no sparks flying / tripped circuit breaker). Tightening the five screws to secure the handle’s cover, it was Mission Accomplished!

Granted, I’d NEVER recommend repairs of a technical, potentially DANGEROUS nature to folks with no training. But, success such as mine, does demonstrate how, desperate times don’t necessarily require measures that are all that desperate. It is entirely possible for us to draw upon our own unique (sometimes latent) talents to work the problem… to reassert our DIY / can-do spirit.

Such an attitude will come in handy whenever a “leader’s” go-to-hell-you-are-on-your-own attitude is as good as it gets.

 

Stay Safe… Stay Home… Stay Healthy…

 

 

 

 

T-G-I-S? Yep, that’s an S! (Sunday Song Series)

For Week #90 of our ongoing study of Sunday titled songs, we’ll be giving a listen to Frank Sinatra, in a manner some of his fans may not be accustomed to… i.e., minus Nelson Riddle’s Big Band. The only way Mr. S could’ve been more “unplugged”, would’ve been going the a cappella route.

That said, let’s chill to Ol’ Blue Eyes’ masterful, mellow interpretation of composer Jule Styn’s and lyricist Susan Birkenhead’s love song… It’s Sunday… backed solely by guitarist Tony Mottola’s impeccable performance.

Thank you for stopping by. You’re invited back for our next Sunday Song… seven days from now…

Stay Safe… Stay Home… Stay Healthy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hope For All (Vid of the Day)

Mega appreciation and props to:

Singer, Lyricist And Composer: MOHIT PANDEY
Video Created And Edited By : JIBAN NAYAK

That so much life enriching, thought provoking and empowering sentiments / imagery can be showcased, within a scant two minutes, is testimonial to the above-mentioned talent.

 

Stay Safe… Stay Home… Stay Healthy…

 

 

 

 

 

 

30,000,000 ≠ 15 Cases

This post’s headline obviously debunks Donald J. Trump’s magical thinking… his unfounded (02/26/20) coronavirus claim…

“You have 15 people, and the 15 within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero.”

As complete and accurate as this Real Time Counter strives to be, what it fails to report are the oceans of tears… of the patients, the medical professionals who are trying to save them, and last but not least, all who are mourning those, who did not make it back home… well… at least not back to their homes found on earth.

BTW…  if you’ve been guessing that coronavirus will soon be done with us… guess again.

Stay Safe at Home! Stay Publicly Masked! Stay Healthy!

 

Stay on Board with the following life saving advice, too…

[1] Scrub hands often (at least 20 seconds each time), [2] Cover all coughs and sneezes, [3] Avoid touching eyes, nose and mouth, [4] Observe social distancing protocols (remain at least 2 meters / 6 feet apart, [5] Wear protective face masks in public, [6] Avoid large crowds, [7] socially isolate at home, [8] Self-quarantine if you’re feeling ill / seek medical professionals’ help if necessary, [9] Know that you can be asymptomatic and still be spreading COVID-19 to others, and [10] Some epidemiologists now believe mere speaking can shed coronavirus; human airborne “droplets” remaining contagious for long periods of time. Ergo, it’s possible to contract COVID-19 even if you are the only one in the vicinity. Our best defense is to WEAR OUR MASKS every time we’re in public… watch video, below, for further details…

This post’s headline gets updated, regularly, to reflect the Real Time Counter’s COVID-19 reported cases (worldwide).

Worldwide COVID-19 Confirmed Cases Timeline:
(Military Time / Eastern U.S. Timezone readouts)

5,640,739 = 05/30/2020 06:07
7,000,000 = 06/07/2020 18:27
8,000,000 = 06/15/2020 13:23
9,000,000 = 06/22/2020 02:36
10,000,000 = 06/27/2020 17:50
11,000,000 = 07/03/2020 08:59
12,000,000 = 07/08/2020 17:10
13,000,000 = 07/13/2020 06:27
14,000,000 = 07/17/2020 14:13
15,000,000 = 07/21/2020 21:12*
16,000,000 = 07/25/2020 17:17
17,000,000 = 07/29/2020 16:17
18,000,000 = 08/02/2020 08:05
19,000,000 = 08/06/2020 14:03*
20,000,000 = 08/10/2020 09:58

*4,000,000 = 07/21/2020 15:50 (USA cases)
*5,000,000 = 08/06/2020 14:29 (USA cases)

21,000,000 = 08/13/2020 18:17
22,000,000 = 08/17/2020 22:50
23,000,000 = 08/21/2020 20:11
24,000,000 = 08/25/2020 19:34
25,000,000 = 08/29/2020 14:02
26,000,000 = 09/02/2020 11:44
27,000,000 = 09/05/2020 18:44
28,000,000 = 09/09/2020 21:35
29,000,000 = 09/13/2020 14:56
30,000,000 = 09/16/2020 21:42

+6,000,000 = 08/27/2020 04:07 (USA cases)

31,000,000
32,000,000
33,000,000
34,000,000
35,000,000
36,000,000
37,000,000
38,000,000
39,000,000
40,000,000

41,000,000
42,000,000
43,000,000
44,000,000
45,000,000
46,000,000
47,000,000
48,000,000
49,000,000
50,000,000

Additional COVID-19 Commentary…

On 06/27/2020, we learned that in a mere ½ year, ½ million members
of our human family have perished, needlessly so, considering the folly
of world “leaders” who, too oft, opt to dishonor Time-Honored Science!

 

 

 

 

 

Ed-ucating Words

 

By barren barons, worldwide, we’re misled
By values-famished, with egos well-fed
By ne’er-do-wells, who had cut class and fled
By those who enrich only rich folks, instead

Ill-gotten loot, rewards rich untold bread
These well-heeled heels, bed hop, hook up and wed
For filthy lucre’s allure, feel no dread
Fiscal fiascos; spilt ink; garish red

The road to damnation, fools fear not to tread
Around science, they can’t wrap their head
No research for vaccine. No curative med
Our health suffers; our lifeforce gets bled

From gross cauldrons, spring pathogens bred
From nose to nose novel virus gets shed
Like a wildfire, contagion gets spread
Dirt naps near; folks lie on their death bed

No well-wishing, loved ones allowed; it’s been said
As life that remains, dangles by fragile thread
When these words were first typed; were first read
Of 6 Million sick, 6 percent now lay dead

 

Stay Safe… Stay Home… Stay Healthy…

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I can’t breathe!”

At issue is NOT that cops need retraining to halt the use of excessive force. Once they sink down to that level, they’re beyond redemption and of no use to society. Our middle finger “salutes” and bye-bye waves are in order.

On to the actual issues…

• How can law enforcer wannabes, with preexisting mental issues, ever get badges pinned to their chests in the first place?

• What the hell ever happened to the rigorous vetting process?

• How is it that good officers, who go bad later on… sometimes as repeat offenders… oft do so with impunity?

• How can cops ever expect to promote civilized behavior when they, themselves, act no better than brutal, club wielding cavemen?

• Is it not long, Long, LONG OVERDUE that we outlaw racially / ethnically profiling law enforcers?

On to the (alleged?) crime specifics…

• How can any decent, thinking person not conclude that cop Derek Chauvin is guilty of murder when the video clearly shows him pressing his knee to the throat of the not resisting arrest, unarmed George Floyd?

• Could not Chauvin (along with with not 1… not 2… but 3 brawny, back-up police officers), have all easily handcuffed his suspect and lodged him… alive and well… in the backseat of their paddy wagon?

• How could he willfully, heartlessly refuse to ease up while a human being was informing him, “I can’t breathe!”

• How could that aforementioned trio of unfeeling, stick-figure cops (Thomas Lane, Tou Thao and J Alexander Kueng) allow a murder to go down before their very eyes?

On to the conclusions…

• Any display of needless, deadly force must become a one-strike-and-you’re-out (kicked off the police force) offense. Each duly accused, arrested officer should also have his day in court… a trial by jury, which reflects an honest cross-section of society’s demographics. And the convicted must do the time for their crime, within either a prison or mental institution.

• Fortunately, good cops still outnumber the bad. Our pandemic ravaged society is going to need honorable, dependable officers to simultaneously keep their heads and keep the peace in what are sure to be, the trying times ahead.

• And the last thing we need, under such grim global circumstances, are police incited riots.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flush With Donald’s Dumbness

For optimal effect, prior to PB, check out this clip’s set up…

From 1973 and onward, throughout the early 1980s, Match Game’s staff writers (endowed with cleverness and imbued with clairvoyance), were supplying emcee Gene Rayburn with a slew of fill-in-the-blank, off-beat scenarios for him to recite to the celebrity panelists, contestants and studio / TV-Land audiences.

Such storylines were inclusive of their fake character, Dumb Donald, who they portrayed as the hapless man stumbling clumsily and cluelessly through life… uh… not unlike how today’s Real Donald has been stumbling clumsily and cluelessly throughout his public and private life.

Re this clip’s specific content, these raconteurs had hoped to inspire contestant Renée to come up with the definitive response… i.e., to free associate Dumb Donald with a specialized type of paper… i.e., the very sort that, within the context of the Real Donald’s coronavirus “Reality Show”, has been in short supply (due to pandemic-panicked, consumer hoarding).

To quote Gene…

Dumb Donald is so dumb, he tried to use fly paper as ______ paper!

True, when used-as-directed, fly paper would be especially suitable within the vicinity of regular* folks’ Porta-potties, privies and outhouses… during a pandemic… regardless of one’s station in life / setting… desperation can and doth lead to improvisation. So much so, that this Match Game scenario might even play out when His Majesty, the Real Donald, is “enjoying the go”  while seated upon his ornate, gilded throne.

But / butt all preliminary kidding aside, it’s time to turn the real kidding over to the professionals.

Let’s PB the clip to discover how Renée responds and see how many celebrity panelists she’ll match.

 

* pun intended

 

 

 

 

Fortune Cookie Blog (Pachyderms & Pimples)

 

It is tough to put much stock in the Stock Market, when skittish speculators’
cockamamie investment schemes (based upon weird events) can cause it to
CLIMB if pink elephants trumpet in a drunk-on-power, crowned head’s head;
CRASH if carbuncles crop up/erupt on a corpulent, crowned head’s caboose!

 

Stay Safe… Stay Home… Stay Healthy!