Just Desserts? Just Deserts! [Part 2]


[Read Part 1 Here]

When we last left the Kingdom of Doom, its bloated head of state, Brutus the Barbarian, was bending over his bejeweled, solid gold, one holer “throne”… uh… “making room” for his morning repast’s dessert course. For the moment, his palace’s hallowed Hall of Audiences had become little more than a disgusting public vomitorium.

Oddly enough, his subjects were so used to their sovereign grossing them out, that they watched unflinchingly, which gratified Brutus, no end. Furthermore… at least in his demented mind’s eye… the no more than 60 total, actual count of these toady attendees, had now swelled to a tremendous 60 million! He even fancied the thought…

“From time immemorial, no king could ever boast of such a tremendous crowd size!”

Brutus’ recurring “Oh to be loved by so many so frequently” fantasy almost brought a tear to his glowering, evil eye… all of that accompanied by surging feelings of untold rapture… i.e., especially when the masses offered up their rhythmic chants of, “Bru! Bru! Bru!” Of course, the far more accurate quotation would’ve been a combination of “Booooo! Booooo! Booooo!” and “Eeewe! Eeewe! Eeewe!”

Well… his purging now a fait accompli, it was time for him, alone, to pig out on that perfect, thickly frosted, three layer, chocolate cake, which his fair-haired handmaiden, Stormy Stephanie, had set before him… mere moments earlier.

However, as he stood upright once more… slowly pivoting to face and flash his loyal subjects… he was greeted by a deathly silence. He hiked up his whitey tighties and pantaloons. Nonplussed, horrified and outraged best described how he felt at the mere sight of everyone lying prone on the floor… flat on their faces and motionless…

“Wake up! I command thee”, he bellowed… but, nobody could possibly obey him… not Harold the Herald… not Miniver the Minstrel… not Jessie the Jester. Even worse… not even his royal mistress, Stormy Stephanie!

All the sudden an unexpected, yet familiar, voice violated the roaring silence… growing in intensity as the delirious, soaked in a cold sweat, royal physician, Quentin Quackenbush, first, made his staggering entrance… next, promptly stumbled over his feet to fall at the feet of his liege lord Brutus. Too weak to even raise his head, his words got muffled by the red carpet’s plush, luxurious pile…

“Your Majesty! I am the bearer of news… gasp… and it’s all bad. Pestilence has stricken down your entire kingdom… rapid… if not instant… sudden death! it’s a novel influenza… unlike anything I’ve ever seen in my… gasp… three score and ten years of doctoring… and… and… alas… it has also sickened… gasp… even me…”

Brutus thought to himself, “Those ingrates! How dare they disrespect me! How dare they make me look bad by dying without my express permission!” He waddled from chamber to chamber… even clenched his fist to pound on the locked door to his estranged wife’s boudoir. Right about then he would’ve even welcomed one of her spit out with spite, “Buzz off you bastard!” commands. Alas, even her anger towards him had died.

Anyway, all throughout his castle, this novel, macabre scene had repeated itself, without fail. Indeed, Quackenbush had not been disseminating faketh news. At the palace’s very entrance, Brutus even found the palace guard unit had perished.

Struggling… huffing and puffing till red in the face… the 250 kg / 550lb Brutus finally managed to lower the drawbridge… his never used muscles immediately growing sore… his dainty hands now all bloodied and calloused.

He was soon stunned, anew, for even the moat’s snakes and alligators were lifeless… floating motionless. Lumbering out to the livery stable, he found the horses, too, had all been sickened to death. Ditto that re the pigs in the sty and poultry in the hen house. Indeed, nary a whinny, oink, honk or cluck.

Considering sudden death’s dizzying display, not all that surprising was Brutus losing his footing in the slimy mud and taking a face down dive into that muck. It was then and there that he heard a booming voice from above… way above…

Stay Safe… Stay Home… Stay Healthy…

Stay Tuned, too, for the next installment of Just Desserts? Just Deserts!