Let’s Get a Better Handle on Dumb Donald’s Handlebar

For optimal effect, read my brief set up, below, prior to playing back the clip, above.

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a household (four-letter) word, we found the clever (perhaps even clairvoyant) Match Game writers submitting dozens of Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… e.g., situations such as…

Dumb Donald is so dumb, he tried to put
a ______ on his handlebar mustache!

So, how could that, possibly, apply to the present-day, clean-shaven Real Donald… I hear you ask?

Well, what history has taught us is that, be it a handlebar, cookie-duster, or mere peach-fuzz, the very same testosterone, which sprouts beneath the schnoz facial hair, is what frequently fuels the flames of most firebrands’ aggression… be they in the flesh Fascists or their cartoon celluloid equivalents. Seeing how the Real Donald is the demagogue, who fancies himself answerable to no one, that renders his shaving habits inconsequential. Were he to snag a 2nd term, gawd help us, would it shock any of us if he sprouted a wicked looking handlebar or Hitleresque cookie-duster by Inauguration Day?

Returning, now, to the blog topper clip’s content… admittedly… our contestant’s and panelists’ responses do avoid the dark side of handlebars (even though the writers had left the window wide open for them to go the villain route). And, seeing how the apolitical, lighthearted reactions of Charles Nelson Reilly and Denise DuBarry only skirt naughtiness, it’ll now be up to me to fill in that blank, based on my left leaning, 2020 insight…

Dumb Donald is so dumb, he tried to put
a SNEER on his handlebar mustache!

So, seeing how we’ve now got a much better handle on the handlebar mustache issue, let’s play back our clip!