Diarrhea of a Dictator


Once upon a time, within a homeland… hopefully, not like your own… there existed an amorphous 150kg / 330lb blob of ferociously fetid, fecal matter.

Owing to this dung heap’s proximity to a deregulation dilapidated, radiation spewing, nuclear waste dump and the multiple lightening strikes from an amped up by climate change, freakish thunderstorm, that oddly, orange hued lump soon was able to manifest its newfound superpowers, lickety-split, to take on, more or less, human attributes.

In essence, IT had become a shapeshifter and IT had become a HE and henceforth, HE became Dungy Dump. Alas, any other reports of any other resemblance to humankind would be greatly exaggerated, for he did not possess a humane disposition. In fact, ol’ Dump did not give a shit about anything… uh… anyone… other than himself. And so… it was what it was.

For one fortnight… to avoid the sunlight’s purifying rays… Dungy lumbered thru the inky darkness of night until he stumbled upon the shoreline of a nearby swamp… where he giddily slogged through the knee-deep muck and mire and even took mud baths.

It was shortly thereafter, when churlish Chad, the chairman of the Archconservative Political Party (whilst on a mission to bury subpoenaed, incriminating evidence), spotted a frenzied swarm of blue bottle flies heading southward.

As all buzzed on by, he bellowed out, “Hark yonder flies, where go thee?” The leader went into a circuitous holding pattern, just long enough to query back, in his gruff gangster growl, “Hey, yooze fuckin’ nose blind, ya jerk? Just take a whiff!”

Indeed, “Dr. Fly” (not his real name) could’ve been an ENT specialist and a shrink, too. Consider his instantaneous, spot-on diagnosis and intuitiveness… i.e., knowing he had met up with a totally impervious to corruption’s stench, shitty politician.

However, upon fine tuning and refocusing his olfactory talents, Chad finally caught wind of the situation. He muttered, “P.U., how the hell did I ever miss THAT?” He also exclaimed, “Oh shit! This should be fun!”

On foot, it took about an hour for him to finally wind up swapside. However, Chad and Dungy had no sooner introduced themselves when Chad sensed it’d been worth the trip. And, once they got to shootin’ the shit… as it were… they both knew it was love at first sight! The air about Dungy had so overwhelmed / enraptured Chad that he swooned and nearly passed out… especially whenever his newfound BFF spewed forth his verbal diarrhea… a veritable shitload of icky autocratic, sociopathic, misogynistic, homophobic, xenophobic rhetoric.

Soon, arm-in-arm, they sauntered back into town, which just happened to be their nation’s Capital. Within one scant year, Dungy Dump’s gross, grotesque disposition and malodorous verbal diarrhea / dogma had so bowled over the masses, they too, had became noseblind… so much so that 51% of them first emboldened, next empowered him.

From that day onward… no questions ever allowed or ever asked… they’d eat up whatever shit Dungy Dump fed them… and asked for second heaping helpings, too.

The End



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