BreaKing: Royal Flush’s Inside Poop!

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Amidst all the stories re the recent death of Queen Elizabeth II (as well as her memorial and funeral services), we’ve also caught wind of / become privy to some astounding, inside poop. Yep, the juicy details of how King (née Prince) Charles III actually has a valet who’ll whip out the royal calipers to ensure that he’s squeezing out precisely 2.54 cm / 1 in. of royal toothpaste onto His Majesty’s royal tooth brush. (Actually, that calipers angle is of my own making; i.e. an unverifiable embellishment).

Hmm, considering the royal Coat of Arms, might the King’s toothpaste preference, aptly be Crest™?

ASIDE: tho decorum doth preclude further mention of other potty room protocols, inquiring minds do want to know…

  • Might it be another (or maybe even the same) valet’s duty to unfurl the precise length of TP to… uh… complete the task at hand?
  • And, who’s hand would be put into service to… um… shall we say… ensure a clean-as-a-whistle KIng… uh… to put this delicately… orchestrate this “movement’s” end game?
  • And who would be in charge of the Royal Flush; the King, himself OR would he delegate that honor to another underling?

Now, IF you don’t believe that I’ve been reporting the truth, the (w)hole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God, click onto this I KID YOU NOT LINK.

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Be humans Vaxxed OR Unvaxxed, We
can still shed and spread the batcrap
crazy contagious coronavirus which,
in turn, spawns new variants; which,
in turn, could, eventually, render the
available vaccines worthless; which,
in turn, will drag out the pandemic’s
needless suffering, illness and death!

HENCE… this easy as pie, cover your
nose and pie-hole/hole-up heads-up:

Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

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Deconstructing Da De Words

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Considering how the “de” prefix negates “construct”, the root of “deconstruct”; in essence, describes something taken apart, how is it that when Fall denudes deciduous trees. this doesn’t leave ‘em fully leaved? Moreover, how is it that beings, who’ve ceased being living beings, are deemed deceased? Shouldn’t deceased mortals still be alive and kickin’?

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Be humans Vaxxed OR Unvaxxed, We
can still shed and spread the batcrap
crazy contagious coronavirus which,
in turn, spawns new variants; which,
in turn, could, eventually, render the
available vaccines worthless; which,
in turn, will drag out the pandemic’s
needless suffering, illness and death!

HENCE… this easy as pie, cover your
nose and pie-hole/hole-up heads-up:

Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

-30-

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Quick Limerick ~ Way To Go?

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PREFACE: Not bellyachin’… just sayin’…

ADDENDUM 06/04/22 05:20a.m…. While it’s true that there have been some rare, notable exceptions (extra special thanks to J.A.) this limerick does sum up my WP site’s typical day-in-the-life doldrums.

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ZERO Views! ZERO Visitors! YIKES!
Ditto ZEROs re Comments & Likes
Guess I will feel all aglow
When analytics all Go
Up to Number 1 / Number 2 spikes!

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Be people Vaxxed OR Unvaxxed, We
can still shed and spread the batcrap
crazy contagious coronavirus which,
in turn, spawns new variants; which,
in turn, could, eventually, render the
available vaccines worthless; which,
in turn, will drag out the pandemic’s
needless suffering, illness and death!

HENCE… this easy as pie, cover your
nose and pie-hole/hole-up heads-up:

Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

-30-

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The Great American Stink-Out!

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Seeing how, Stateside, the two-party political juggernaut chronically churns out corporately owned and operated, ragged, non-rugged Prez Wannabes, come the 2024 election cycle, we can count on catching, YET, another whiff of… TA DA…

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Fusty Musty Donald J. Trump v. Old Spice(less) Joe Biden

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Here’s the rub. Biden has yet to fully grasp the severity of the hardcore, Trumper Republicans’ lopsided political playing field; aka their malodorous War on Democracy; their anti-American conspiracy, which absolutely reeks of extreme, unconstitutional, voter suppression laws and egregiously gerrymandered districts.

As such, naïve Biden has lulled himself into the false impression that ALL HE NEED DO is merely air out his stale, “I’m NOT Trump!” campaign motto / mantra and that’ll do what? Snag him a second term?

Sorry to say, Joe IS already miscasting his upcoming, political race in Aesopian terms; i.e., Biden in the role of the svelte, speedy Hare; Trump in the role of the roly-poly, lumbering Tortoise. And the Hare is likely in for a rude awakening. How so?

Well, according to Aesop…

“The story concerns a Hare who ridicules a slow-moving Tortoise. Tired of the Hare’s arrogant behaviour, the Tortoise challenges him to a race. The hare soon leaves the tortoise behind and, confident of winning, takes a nap midway through the race. When the Hare awakes, however, he finds that his competitor, crawling slowly but steadily, has arrived before him.”

Wikipedia Essay [Read More Here]
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Applying a Poli-Sci spin to Aesop…

Come November 2024, Hare Biden’s 2020 supporters will EITHER vote for less electable, 3rd and 4th party presidential wannabes, OR leave blank their ballots’ presidential section, OR not show up at the polls AT ALL; hence Tortoise Trump’s Electoral College victory and the defeat / demise of Ecology, Democracy, Liberty, Literacy and Civility.

Truth be told, President Biden desperately needs an unconventional, highly inventive, campaign manager; a person who could far better articulate dedicated, Anti-Trump / Anti-Fascism messaging; PLUS orchestrate a modicum of mischief. In that dual capacity, I just might prove Joe’s go-to guy.

Here’s the skinny. My game plan draws upon basic, postpubescent biochemistry. You see, nearly all adults are well-armed to most effectively present our Trump Trump / Dump Trump rationale / sentiments; even better, in our down to the nitty-gritty, pitty manner. Actually, in this instance, it’d be better to be underarmed.

Ahem, ahem, what I’m proposing, here, is (a drum roll please)…

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The Great American Stink-Out!

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The onset of our olfactory onslaught would focus on consistently, attending Trump rallies; i.e., PUBLICLY baring arms… uh… our underarms… our unwashed, no applied deodorant / antiperspirant pits. And, just to ensure everything “ripens” to perfection, a mandatory shaving moratorium also needs to be in effect for the duration. Now, here’s where this really, Really, REALLY GETS GOOD! As we all know, the way Ma Nature has designed us, the more passionate we feel about matters, the more we sweat and the more we stink!

Our concerted efforts to curl nose hairs would run the entire 2024 election cycle; from its earliest days all the way up to the close of the Election Day polls. We’d be targeting, in particular, the climate change intensified, sweltering, summertime heatwaves to peaceably protest outside the Republican National Convention venue; with all of our bared arms raised skyward.

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Yep, we’d all be literally Stinkin’ to High Heaven!

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Naturally, we’d need to reassure all prepubescents, who, understandably so, would be feeling a tad left out of all of our funky fun. Not to worry, kiddies, you can always raid your elders’ dirty clothes hampers to snag the requisite, pre-stinked T-shirts. Even if they prove a bit oversized, they could always be repurposed as capes OR (once nailed to a dowel) waved about like flags.

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Now, that’s what I’d brand as the e-PIT-ome of patriotism!

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And, just to make damned sure that each and every MAGA Maggot / Moron we’d meet can totally grasp the true blue meaning of our odor, we’d need to silkscreen emblazon our T-shirts with the message:

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Ya think I stink bad?
Trump’s Fascist Stench
will be the Absolute Pits!

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Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

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Go’ing My Way? ~ Fortune Cookie Blog

From time to time, most content, posted on Freebie WordPress Sites,
will be sponsored by a certifiable quack, who promises his potential
patients that, if we pony up, he will, STAT, reveal his surefire method,
to completely empty our bowels! Folks, DO NOT empty your wallets!
Try my surefire method, instead; and it won’t cost you One Red Cent!
I’ve discovered the very notion of Donald J. Trump [1] taking out the
White House, come Inauguration Day 2025, [2] rolling out the tanks
all across the late great U.S.A. and [3] surging onward to trample and
trumple the whole world more than enuff to promptly send me Warp
Factor 10 speeding off to the nearest, possible outhouse. Give’r a Try!

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Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

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Vocationally Counseling Santa

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Seeing how Christmas Morn ’21 has arrived; how global toy distributor, Santa Claus, is now calling it a day (or is that a night?), it’s not too soon for him to be seeking gainful employment for the remaining 364 days. After resting up for a couple of weeks, the time will be ripe for him to build upon his good name. By inserting a liberal dose of wordplay (admittedly aided / abetted by poetic license) here are a few new, potential business ventures he should seriously look into.

  • Santa Overdraws ~ The savvy bearded one, having kept his toy distribution biz’s books our of the red for eons, he’d be a natch at balancing nations’ and corporations’ budgets; ordinary citizens’ checkbooks. too. (Aside: Are you paying any attention, DJT?)
  • Santa Guffaws ~ In a world full of hopelessness (the pandemic, climate change fueled monster storms / resultant homelessness, etc.) he could pop up, when least expected, to counsel the survivors. To be sure, a few of his judiciously sprinkled in, apropos, infectious “Ho – Ho – Hos” could only help matters, right?
  • Santa Thaws ~ His jovial demeanor and inborn bent as a master adjudicator (i.e. his adeptness at determining who’s naughty and nice), would prove him the invaluable, consummate diplomat; e.g., one who specializes as a marriage counselor / peace treaty and contract negotiator / settler of labor / management disputes, etc.
  • Santa Schnoz ~ This draws on his heretofore unmentioned medical training as a plastic surgeon; specializing in nose jobs; For anyone doubting his abilities, he could refer them to his pièce de résistance, Rudolph, who could offer up a (literally) glowing testimonial to Santa’s talent.
  • Santa Claws ~ We already know old St. Nick is a superhero, BUT, few are aware of his primo super power; namely, his fingernails morphing into take no prisoners talons; their emergence triggered wherever / whenever he witnesses fascistic, oppressors of the masses. Credit his superpowers to having flown, since time immemorial, in close proximity to / downwind from reindeer Rudolph’s shiny red, radioactive nose.

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Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

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If you’re finding life lacking…

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Let’s take a moment to consider, compare and contrast our lots in life…

• What of the pathetic, idiotic, opportunistic online sponsors, who actually believe toenail fungus, tummy flab, testosterone deficits and improperly textured turds trump our far more serious, worldwide woes.

To name but a few, how about the KNOWN, SO FAR, nearly 5 million Covid-19 deaths and how, too damned many of our human family members have been facing down nutritional and educational starvation; grotesque systemic racism; fascism setting up shop within the most unlikely places (e.g., within Trumpian America) and, last but not least, how climate change (quite literally) is burning down our entire planet.

• What of the willful, anything-for-a-buck webmasters, who throw their platform doors wide open to any and all creepy, deep pocketed sponsors who just happen by; all sans any apparent vetting processes, which could better assess the safety / efficacy of those huckstered snake-oil potions; peer review those how-to manuals and run criminal background checks / judge the legality of those “professionals” and their touted “services”.

In other words, just how many of those sponsors are akin to societal Lemmings / Lemons?

And, speaking of that latter “L” word, do check out this time honored, well-known proverb…

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

Elbert Green Hubbard (June 19, 1856 – May 7, 1915) [Read More Here]

And, speaking of that lemonade, might any of those sponsors and webmasters be in imminent need of prison orange jumpsuits? This doth smack of a solution to the ever-growing problem, at hand; also calls for the practical application of…

The law of supply and demand!

To say the very least, it’d behoove any animal wranglers and clothiers who may happen by, today, or anytime in the near future, to go the carpe diem route.

So, have my observations served as a mood elevator to anyone in need? If nothing else, I’d hope one or two of you would welcome my working this sector of the WordPress multiverse pro bono.

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Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

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Didja hear the one about…

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Didja hear the one about the rude, crude, unethical, mentally unbalanced Palm Beach, Florida restaurateur / chef / Trumper, whose specialty is plating nutritionally unbalanced, four course suppers? Seeing how his bon vivant patrons can only phone in their orders or go online; and how his home delivery crew apes their boss’s lousy ‘tudes, he’s aptly named his business venture:

Heels on Wheels*

*Cue the drummer’s rim shot!

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By the by, here’s the rundown on that Chef’s TO DIE FOR menu topper…

  • Primordial Soup (seasoned with sea salt; sorry, trilobites out of season)
  • Crunchy Hydroxychloroquine Tablet Salad (Ivermectin house dressing)
  • Raw Meat Chuncks Au Jus (dripping red blood / disinfectant marinade)
  • Marie Antoinette Devil’s Food (let ‘em eat) Cake (Iced by ex-ICE Agents)

Bon Appétit?

  • Truth be told, the above content is no joke because very little is laughable.
  • Not funny since it taps into DJT’s flawed character / failed régime’s polices.*
  • And, No Joke, NEVER try “cooking” that fake chef’s deadly recipes at home!
  • That warning to benefit the 1 or 2 folks who may take my joke too seriously!

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*To better describe the above “cuisine”: The unevolved, unenlightened Donald J. Trump remains the consummate anachronism. He has yet to socially distance himself / crawl out from the 3.7 to 4.0 billion years ago primordial soup; well, at least not in the same manner, which you and I have. Furthermore, just as the deadly pandemic was setting out on its deadly march across our planet, his televised advocacy of the NON-Covid-19 cure-all Hydroxychloroquine as well as injections of (FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY) chlorine bleach/disinfectants, little doubt, had caused more than one of his gullible toadies to needlessly get sick and/or “buy the farm”. While, to the best of my knowledge, he has not huckstered on behalf of the more recent FAKE faddish Covid “panecea”, Ivermectin, it’d be totally in character for him to do so. As for that main course, the in perpetual, insufferable campaign mode Trump, in serving up his raw, red meat, racist rhetoric, routinely triggers his rabid, bloodthirsty Nazi / Klansman rally attendees; motivates these hate mongers to commit violent acts against minorities. And, last, but not least, while his ordered 2017 strike against Syria was going down, Trump was actually shoving chocolate cake down his pie hole (watch him salivate whilst in reverie mode HERE). Re those ICE agents, his goon squads had physically / emotionally battered asylum seekers who didn’t measure up to reprehensible white supremacists’ narrow parameters.

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Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

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New Alice’s New Wonderland

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Reflect on the Looking Glass; espy each Ancient Faced Clock
Where counterclockwise sweep hands, go tick-tock-tick-tock
Is this glass barrier unbreachable; doth it forevermore block?
Or have humans, yet, to discover; the occult key to that lock?

Each temporal mechanic, bedecked in crisp, tailored lab frock
Knows their beliefs can’t be berated; be belittled like schlock
Volunteer, aptly named Alice; her heroes Armstrong ’n’ Spock
Checks checklist; nears full-length mirror; she’s ready to rock!

Intrepid woman steps thru, infiltrates with one knuckled knock
Father Time waves her way, warily; in state of palpable shock
He quizzes, “Why are you here? To Revere Me? Jeer?? Mock???
Once she dispels his suspicions; towards each other both flock

She asks, “Can you halt aging, in here; set back our Bio clock?”
“Fade away wrinkles / crows feet; acne scars / the marks pock?”
“From our seen-better-days bods; can our years you lop; dock?”
“Alas Alice,” Pop sighs, “Your postulate’s PURE POPPYCOCK!!!

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Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

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Regurgitating An Apt Analogy

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In the wee hours of 01/21/21, NBC-TV’s Late Night host, Seth Meyers, via his always-tell-it-like-it-is exposé, A Closer Look, successfully articulated the mixed emotions that most critical thinkers have been experiencing while attempting to assess the nascent, post Trump tableau.

Said Seth…

“Even amid this moment of collective relief, the nation is still in the midst of several unprecedented calamities; none of which will magically disappear anytime soon. It’s a little like getting rid of the last guy at a party; you’ve spent four years yawning and stretching and hinting that he should get out, and, when he finally leaves, it IS a relief; until you remember you still have to clean up all his puke; and he, like, puked everywhere!”

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Stay Publicly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

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