Shaving Face

The following “transcript” represents yesterday’s, late afternoon, barbering-before-the-bathroom-mirror-musings; just prior to my unavoidably setting foot into our Covid-19 ravaged world…

When taken at face value, for most coming of age males, facial hair management is little more than a “Hey everybody’s doin’ it.” societal custom. Believe me, from the very moment that ol’ razor makes first contact, a boy really starts to feel manly.

Of course, be we meticulous shavers or low-maintenance follicle sculptors, many of us can relate at least one hair- related (hair-raising?) anecdote.

For instance, my bygone public school system’s totalitarian administrators totally nailed their mandatory shaving manifesto to our schoolhouse front door; that grooming code not stopping at students. Yep, one conservative curmudgeon / bible thumper / school board member (who also just happened to run our town’s barbershop), actually wanted to fire our bearded, affable art instructor, T.J. (who had refused to comply).

I swear to God this IS true! That holy roller / capitalist’s contention had been (words to the effect)…

His amorous female students will fantasize about his facial hair tickling them.

Let’s refer to Mr. Conflict of Interest by his initials J.C.
(far, Far, FAR from the bearded one; i.e., Jesus Christ)

Setting aside that above aside, let’s scrutinize the motivation behind shaving, in general. Methinks something far more telling is afoot. But, is this (forgive the wordplay) an outgrowth of Practicality? Inadequacy? Denial? Hygiene? Opportunism? Or, some permutation, thereof?

Fleshing that out…

  • Practicality: Hey, few fellas enjoy “filtering” food (especially soup) thru a mustache.
  • Inadequacy: Let’s face it, guys feel bummed out when beards look uneven/scraggly.
  • Denial: Re this Psych 101 issue, some guys OBSESSIVELY cling to bygone boyhood.
  • Hygiene: Pandemic / pubic health concerns oft unearth beard / mask incompatibility.
  • Opportunism: Capitalism has manufactured an entire industry around facial follicles.

Personally, I’ve always found my own beard to be a force to be reckoned with. Based upon the late, great stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author George Carlin’s Hair Poem / Beard Poem, I’m sure he’d concur with this man’s Follicle Manifesto when I proclaim, “Live and let live!”, “Let yer Freak Flag fly!” and “Let the damned thing do its own thing!”

Of course, such philosophizing, of late, has not been tenable.

The pandemic (rife with its own end of the world implications) has changed everything. To properly mask up, I’ve had to lose 99% of my end of the world beard, which, way back in February 2020, had dipped far below my sternum. Oh, the irony!

The hair-raising Corona-V disaster, notwithstanding, throughout my entire adult life, I’ve drawn the line at what my mustache does. My being a soup connoisseur demands it!

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Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

-30-

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Two MUST SEE Dress for Regress Videos!

Subtitle: Vid(s) of the Day

A few days ago, while chatting on the phone with my nonagenarian next-door neighbor, we soon discovered how we’ve both been ruminating re the sorry state of our homeland and world. More to the point…

We share the POV that the Trumpian / Dystopian cancer has been rearing its ugly head… indeed taking root… primarily because too many of our compatriots are absolutely clueless regarding what Real American Values actually are / what basic human decency truly involves. I could go into a litany of the particulars, but will reserve such a discussion for another blog… another day.

Anyway… after a few moments of silence… I realized we were both pretty much bummed out. So, to slightly lighten things up, I half joked that… considering our homeland’s plunge into Donny’s bottomless pit of ignorance (e.g., [1] his being all fired up on “clean” coal, [2] his flat-out refusal to respect time-honored scientific principles, etc.) it’d be wise for we, who debunk Donny… to… at the very least… visually fit in with his retrograde society’s motif.

And follks… most assuredly… I’m already on top of that! For starters, I’ve been letting my grey beard grow long and wild.¹ Indeed, I could already easily blend in amongst a gathering of Dark Ages men.

Hey, who knows? That, alone, could easily save my very life. Think about it. You never know when Nazi Donny will start rounding up the scientifically inclined folks, intern us in concentration camps, put us on trial for heresy and burn us all at the stake. Whew… now that’s what I’d call a witch-hunt! Yeah, yeah, I know I’m conflating the Dark Ages / Colonial / WW-II eras, but… that too… serves a purpose… namely… to point out that those who fail to learn from history, stupidly, repeat it!

Naturally, we, who hope to blend in, will also need to conform to a period-consistent dress code… so… to that end…

As a public service… and to further everyone’s assimilation into Donny’s Dark Ages… I’m providing the following two dress for regress videos… based on illustrations in the Luttrell Psalter

Ladies first…

As for the ploughmen…

 

¹ At present my beard measures out somewhere between retired CBS Late Show comedian David Letterman’s… but has not yet attained the ZZ Top range.