How about a Fast Food Fast?

Forward: The below mentioned, fast food behemoth shall remain nameless as will its CEO. Opting for anonymity is not only wise within a litigious society, it also serves as a reminder of how, within a business world awash in copycats, we’re not discussing a freakish anomaly.

To say the least…

For nearly seven decades, a notorious junk food purveyor and his predecessors have been persuasively detouring gullible consumers down a one way, dead end road; emphasis on the word DEAD.

To say more…

These customers wind up pigging out on foodstuffs devoid of life sustaining, essential nutrients; overloaded with saturated fat, excess sodium and sugar; all the while, watching their ill-advised, sickening, dietary choices enlarge into an entire, unhealthy (albeit short-lived) lifestyle,

The youngest of these patrons are particularly vulnerable to this company’s manipulation, when tiny toys, trinkets and other worthless swag get served alongside their grub; when aired and streamed weekend cartoons’ adverts trot out their corporate stooge / playful mascot; the affable doofus whose main mission is to deviously indoctrinate these tykes; relentlessly reprogram them until they morph into inveterate, junk food junkies.

In time, when morbid obesity induced, critical illnesses start to strike down these unfortunate youngsters, guess what?

Lo and behold, oft too little and too late, it’s the corporate monsters to the “rescue”. You see, they’ve, oh so conveniently, erected multiple hundreds of pediatric care hospitals to house both their self-made, gravely ill patients; as well as their worried sick folks.

Little doubt, such a corporate gesture has less to do with displaying genuine compassion; more to do with helping Mister Moneybags back-burner whatever vestigial guilt he MIGHT be “feeling”.

Granted, even an unintentional merciful act is a wonderful thing, and, beyond that, it IS the very least he could do. But, how about doing more?

Look, I’m not about to suggest that he shutter his eateries. All I’m asking is why not, instead, supply healthier food to his ravenous captives? In time, once the demand for junk food wanes, he might even be able to shutter a few of his hospitals.

Or better yet, repurpose them so their medical staffs would wind up caring for all who are ailing; both physically and fiscally.




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What Dumb Donald Hungers For

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

When Dumb Donald went out with Ellen, he
wanted to impress her; so he ordered in French.
Unfortunately, they were at a _______.

Whoa! For starters, don’t we all miss the element of audience participation, here?
Soooooo… at least in the theatre of the mind, we must rephrase this, thusly…

Rayburn: Dumb Donald was soooooo dumb…
Audience: How dumb was he?
Rayburn: When he went out on a date with
Ellen, to impress her, he ordered in French.
Unfortunately, they were at a _________.

That’s better! Now, as for how Real Donald’s backward emanations had influenced Match Game’s soothsayer writers (on or before episode air date: January 4, 1977), please note how that cad’s date is not named Melania. Obviously we’re witnessing, yet, another open and shut case of marital infidelity. Furthermore, factoring in his penchant for porn stars / playmates, might Ellen be working her butt off in adult films. too?

And, as for any naysayers who’d point out that Real Donald is not bilingual? Well, would it really shock anyone were we to discover he knows a few “fresh” French phrases… you know… the type that might get his face slapped?

Turning our attention, now, to contestant Barbara and the panelists, they, too, appear to be under Real Donald’s influence. Upon the playback of our clip, please note the type of cuisine served up in the eateries, which they manage to “cook up”… i.e., how this ranges from fast food to ethnic fare. Re the latter, they mention nationalities, which that bigot oft belittles.

Well, that just about covers it. All that remains to be seen is our above clip… so… let’s all play Match Game!


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