Eggs-istential Enigma (Part 2)

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If you missed Part 1, the next paragraph will get you up to speed…

On 03/16/22, I made a ginormous grocery purchase; grand total $282. Sensing something not so grand had happened, I carefully unpacked and organized that haul atop my dining room table, kitchen countertops and refrigerator shelves. With the register receipt as my guide, I checked off the matching items; by audit’s end discovering the cashier had overcharged me nearly $15 by ringing up 5 phantom items; i.e., 5 cartons of eggs when, in reality, I had NOT purchased any eggs at all!

Hence, this existential / Eggs-istential Enigma:

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Just how the hell does a NON-EXISTENT barcode get scanned
and, even more mind-boggling, NOT ONCE BUT FIVE TIMES?

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I had asked you, my readers, if you had any theories, especially those which might even exonerate / eggs-onerate the cashier of willful wrongdoing, BUT, with nary a comment these past two weeks, looks like I’ll be going it alone…

For starters, let’s attempt to clear the cashier…

Suppose her whip cracking boss has been demanding she work faster? It’s conceivable my struggling to reload bagged groceries into my shopping cart had slowed things down so much that, PRIOR to her properly finalizing my transaction, she began scanning the next customer’s purchase; hence, charging me for those damned eggs.

Next up, the dishonest cashier scenario…

Seeing how Easter Egg “hunting season” is nearly upon us, suppose my cashier’s bestie has been planning such a gathering “on the cheap”? Considering all the foul, fowl aspects of this caper, perhaps saying, “on the cheep”, would be more apropos? Anyway, the cashier’s MO would be to [1] let her accomplice breeze thru the checkout, sans scanning her eggs and [2] as a means to ease guilt about ripping off her employer, she’d make a patsy out of any patron making a huge purchase (going on the assumption that I’d be what? Too well-to-do and/or distracted and/or dense to ever realize I’d been ripped off?

Lastly, the cocky corporate clucker scenario…

Suppose the Dairy Department had accidentally smashed an entire egg shipment. Ergo, to recoup their loss, some corporate bean counter hatched a scam to corrupt the scanner software; program it to [1] morph unsuspecting patrons into patsies, [2] profile out-of-towners making ginormous purchases, [3] tack on 5 fake cartons of eggs to such purchases; all going on the assumption that we’d be what? Too well-to-do and/or distracted and/or dense to ever figure out we’d been ripped off?

Granted, such theories tend to sound unsound. As if invented by what? A chicken running about with its head cut off? Well, I suppose such a suspicious nature stems from my nearly lifelong exposure to reportage of Big Gov shenanigans / Big Biz swindling. Factoring in 3 decades’ worth of retail salesclerk / management indoctrination (re detecting / preventing internal theft) and voilà!

Anyway, it’d appear that such misery does love company. How so?

Well, one week ago, instead of registering my register overcharge complaint at the store, I phoned it in. My first request of Mary, the customer service rep, was that she retrieve my receipt’s image from their database. Bottom line, Mary was just as mystified as I was (still am) that a cashier could, somehow, scan not 1 but 5 NON-EXISTENT barcodes.

Tho Mary could not send me a cash refund thru the mail, she did offer the next best thing; to issue and dispatch a store gift card, which, btw, is now stashed in my wallet.

Little doubt, after I had hung up, Mary’s next phone conversation involved their company’s loss prevention manager, who’ll soon be paying a visit to question the, perhaps, questionable cashier?

Alas, in a pre-pandemic, slightly more civil era, grocery shopping used to be a yawner; the drama just as non-existent as those five phantom barcodes. Oh, how I yearn to return to those bygone, carefree days of yore.

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Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

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Voilà! EZ as Pie Pie à la Mode

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Yesterday, at daybreak, I found my still lingering in Christmastime mode, sweet tooth (fortunately only figuratively) aching for some sort of fruit pie to side dish my utilitarian, hot cereal and coffee breakfast.

However, with [1] no such confection shelved within my dinky pantry and [2] my NEITHER being keen on leaving my teeth chattering (15º C / 59º F) lair NOR dashing thru the recently fallen (10 cm / 4 in) snow in my Chrysler Motors manufactured (163 horse), key opened “sleigh” (ISO of an open early on Sunday supermarket), I’d need to [3] get creative; and, more to the point, improv. a recipe.

With a jar of strawberry jam, box of saltine crackers and the still bubbling away double boiler all-the-sudden catching my eye; I soon knew exactly what to do.

Upon plating the oatmeal, I quickly rinsed / dried the double boiler and then placed, within, an egg poacher cup’s worth of jam.

Following the approximately ten minutes it took to consume my oatmeal, first, I poured my second cup of coffee and, next, spooned out the jam over a small bowlful of hand-crushed crackers (the makeshift pie crust), topped it all off with a few dollops of vanilla yogurt and, voilà, a tasty, generous serving of hot and cold contrasted…

EZ as Pie Pie à la Mode!

I figure that this would all wind up even tastier atop crushed graham crackers and how, occasionally, I could even sub in other homemade “pie fillings” (e.g. apple sauce sweetened with with brown sugar and sprinkled with cinnamon). Ergo, I’ve just added any of these missing items to my shopping list.

True, I could simply buy real pies, but why?

It’s easy as pie (and more economical, too) to simply DIY-IT!

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Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

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Expectations Bar @ Lowest Setting?

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For my midnight repast, scant hours ago, I “auditioned” some new (to me) “cuisine”; i.e., upon emptying one can of Campbells’ Condensed Tomato Soup, approximately one and one half soup cans’ worth of H20 and tossing in 57 grams (2 ounces) of elbow pasta into the shallow top half of a double boiler (which also does double duty as my serving bowl / trough). After 40 minutes of simmering and frequent stirring (to prevent pasta sticking) this concoction wound up pleasantly thickened.

At that juncture everything was dining room table bound; where I pigged out and found this dish to be delish. The next batch I cook up, I plan on seasoning with garlic, basil and black pepper.

Now, just to prove this post has not been a total waste of your time; namely, that this blogger is worth his salt, let’s stir in a heapin’ helpin’ of sodium “fun” facts.

Check out this soup starter. We mustn’t buy into this (or any other) soup can’s label, which attempts to huckster the contents as heart healthy; certainly not with 410 mg of sodium per serving and 2 and one half servings per can. And, admittedly, I did consume the entire can’s worth; that’s 1025mg; nearly one half of the acceptable level! YIKES! Compare / contrast the above data to the RDA enhanced advisory below:

“[Salt-wise] most Americans eat too much of it —and they may not even know it. Americans eat on average about 3,400 mg of sodium per day. However, the Dietary Guidelines for Americans recommends limiting sodium intake to less than 2,300 mg per day—that’s equal to about 1 teaspoon of salt!” Apr 2, 2020

Google Search Results May 7, 2021

And, it’s fair to say that salt addicted citizens are not uniquely American, too.

Anyway, seeing how my supper involved the only over-salted product I consumed during the past 24 hours, I’ll likely survive unscathed.

So, beyond my presentation of heart smart data, what does any of this prove?

Well, this post has been LESS about showcasing my limited abilities as a chef; MORE about pointing out how I’ve become too easy to please; all “courtesy” of the pandemic. Might any of that describe you, too? If so, salt may be the least of our probs, eh?

Perhaps that’s to be expected? When all’s said and done, we discover how many a small-thinker “world leader” along with that mindless microbe have been conspiring to set humanity’s expectations bar to lower than low.

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Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

-30-

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