Eggs-istential Enigma (Part 1)

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This past Wednesday, I Ventured forth into the looming, zombie apocalypse for a much oVerdue grocery shopping “adVenture”. Like my waistline, my larder was thinning out, alarmingly so, and that’s ill-adVised, especially against the preVailing backdrop of massiVe ciVil unrest and societal upheaVal.

To keep it all real, who the hell eVen knows where one’s next meal might be coming from; e.g., [1] with Vicious, Venomous, Vacuous Vlad Violating Ukraine AND on the Verge of Vaporizing the entire planet Via the launch of his nukes, [2] Vexing Corona-V Variants Vehemently challenging the Vaccines and [3] aVaricious, maleVolent human/Viper hybird corporate VIPs deVastating the global supply chain (for fun and profit).

Hmm, waddaya think of my aboVe paragraphs’ “V” alliteration?

Anyway… all wordplay aside…

My primary shopping options were to EITHER frequent an in-town supermarket where the shameless CEO’s ongoing business model has been price gouging; predating, by multiple decades, our current sorry state of inflation OR head for an out of town, more reasonably priced store.

FYI, I’ve been limiting my trips to the latter to avoid the 89kph / 55mph highways; the far lower local speed limits saving wear and tear on my 23-year-old vehicle.

As expected, I wound up finding thinned / emptied shelves, storewide. Even so, I did manage to load up the grocery cart, so much so, that the checkout lane cashier’s total came to $282.

Well, something just wasn’t adding up. You see, with pen in hand, I’d been keeping a running tally while shopping, ergo, I suspected this amount to be an overcharge; in the neighborhood of $15.

However, factoring in how I hadn’t had enough sleep the previous night, this gave me reasonable doubt that I’d done all my math correctly. Additionally, seeing how too damned many customers / Karens have been needlessly stressing out our frontline retail workers, I opted to give her the benefit of the doubt; i.e., defer registering any on-the-spot gripe.

Ergo, once back within the confines of my own home, I unpacked the shopping bags and carefully organized my haul atop the dining room table, kitchen countertops and (re the perishables) within the refrigerator.

With the register receipt as my guide, my audit began. With pencil in hand, I began checking off all that appeared to be OK.

Conclusion: while my math had been spot on, what I hadn’t taken into account was getting charged for 98 items when, IN REALITY, I had only placed 93 on the conveyor.

BOTTOM LINE: The cashier had charged me for 5 cartons of eggs.

The Eggs-istential Enigma, here, is that I had not purchased even 1 carton; which begs the key question:

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How the hell did, not 1, but 5 NON-EXISTENT egg cartons’ bar codes get scanned?

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My being a 30-year retail veteran (now retired) sales clerk, cashier and manager, I’ve heard and seen just about everything, ergo, I do have several working theories (not all of them involving innocent, human error if you catch my drift).

However, prior to my going into any details (to be revealed within my planned Part 2 to this post), I’d like to, first, run this by you, my readers; discover what you may be reading into this Eggs-istential Enigma.

I mean, this all sounds so bizarre that when I report this incident… and I do intend to report this… to that store’s complaint department manager…

Will (s)he even believe me?

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Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

-30-

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The “n” and “nn” Homophones

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Be the homophones spelled with an “n” or “nn”, American society appears to be stuck with a most ungainly, uncompromising, temporal predicament.

Re that “n”, we find Einsteinian Canon precluding time travel to past eras; the type of good old days we’d find far more comforting; i.e, when compared to our present-day news cycles dominated by reportage of the Covid-19 pandemic, environmental ruin, no-win wars, threats to women’s rights / civil rights / human rights, police brutality, looming fascism, insurrection conspiracies, hyper-partisan politics and anti-vaxxers / anti-maskers / Karens (of all genders) gone wild.

In other words, be the historical accounts printed out between the covers of our official, honestly authored textbooks or handed down from generation to generation, via familial folklore (in the most myth-free sense of that word), we can only yearn for days of yore; not actually return to them.

Re that “nn”, we find the Trumpian Cannons. Oh, to be sure, we speaketh not of the literal cannons and cannonballs, but none of us should be whewing, “That’s a relief”, either.

  • We must NEVER forget how anti-American Donald J. Trump’s anti-American insurrectionists had violated and attacked the U.S. Capitol; had been armed with loaded handguns, shotguns and rifles; not to mention large-capacity ammunition feeding devices, stun guns, machetes, crossbows, Molotov cocktails, bats, flagpoles (with Old Glory still attached), crutches, skateboards, camouflage smoke devices, chemical sprays, fire extinguishers; not to mention zip-tie handcuffs and a hangman’s gallows; not to mention their weaponizing human excrement.
  • We must NEVER forget the resultant death and destruction, which Trump and his terrorists are totally responsible for.

And seeing how that rioting mob, in all likelihood, will be facing down little, if any, punishment; how no one (as of my posting time) has had the spine to haul Trump’s considerable Fascist fanny before even one honest to God judge, once again, as usual, we find that traitor to America giddily and WRONGFULLY claiming exoneration.

While none of these domestic terrorists have, in actuality, halted the hands of time, the net temporal effect is identical. It all distills down to how Donald J. Trump’s backwardness halts, dead in its tracks, nearly all advancement of American society.

So, let’s check out the damned Catch-22 in a nutshell…

  • Einsteinian Canon won’t allow us time travel to relive better days of yore.
  • Trumpian Cannons won’t permit us to travel normally ISO a brighter future.
  • Be it the “n” or “nn” homophone, our society stagnates in the here and now.

Factoring in how too damned many insufferable, alleged world leaders have been parroting DJT’s bleated, moronic, CYA catch phrases (e.g., “fake news” and “witch hunt”) AND have been aping his deplorable, despotic deeds, would the following be a foregone conclusion…

As goes America so goes the world?

Wherever we dwell, let’s do the utmost to prevent such a dreary, dreadful destiny.

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Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

-30-

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The SlimeLords of OutHouse Earth

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As a lifelong, steadfast, science adherent, over the course of the past sixteen months, my preexisting respect for our world’s pandemic professionals could only intensify. To CliffsNotes what I’ve learned from them:

Whenever / wherever folks impulsively and prematurely let down their guard, the opportunistic coronavirus has rushed in to fully exploit that unfortunate, unforgivable lack of resolve.

For the corroborating, damning evidence, reasonable people need look no further than the alarming worldwide Covid-19 infection and fatality spikes (past and present); in particular, within the United States, India and Brazil.

In other words, what that godforsaken Corona-V and HIS asshole, inbred, variant varmints have taught me is that THEY… NOT HUMANS… are the SlimeLords of OutHouse Earth. Sorry to coin such a phrase, but from the microbial POV, that’s, precisely, how they assess the damned dump. Beyond that, whenever THEY decide time is ripe to collect the rent, we wee mortals can wind up coughing up (our lungs); worst case scenario, wind up paying in full (with our very lives).

Alas, of late, my pandemic expert heroes have begun to (impulsively? prematurely?) minimize their own masking up / social distancing protocols; my word choice, indeed, intentional. To further drive home my point, let’s take a few secs to free associate several synonyms of “minimize”: belittle, downplay, make light of, pooh-pooh, etc.

That’s not too harsh an appraisal, either, seeing how when “The Suits” follow suit / let down their guard, too, they’ll need to rely on the easily exploited “honor system”; one where their hardcore antimasker, antivaxxer “Karen” customers will shamelessly lie about being inoculated; for the express purpose of satisfying their psychotic urges to go maskless.

True, the vaccines are becoming a game changer; playing a significant role in ushering in our return to a more normal life.

However, everything these experts have taught us, tells me that it’s not, yet, time to be letting down our guard. The last thing we need is for yet another variant to rear its ugly head; to get its (literal) choke hold on humanity. What if such a mutation winds up bamboozling the available vaccines, oh, say, one month, one week or even one day from now?

On a more uplifting note, just yesterday, I did manage to breathe a sigh of relief into my pandemic mask when I discovered how my fellow grocery shoppers (store employees, too) were not, yet, buying into shedding their masks; even though the proprietor had impulsively and prematurely torn down his entryway’s “you must mask up to shop here” signage.

Look, there’s nothing I’d love more than to be proven dead wrong. But, how is erring on the side of caution wrong? How does masking up and staying socially distanced harm anyone?

It’s the alternative that could be dead wrong; could even involve the permanent microbial overthrow of society; all “courtesy” of Corona-V and “his” variants; a.k.a. The SlimeLords of OutHouse Earth.

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Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

-30-

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