Risky Business

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Found in this afternoon’s snail mail was World Book Encyclopedia’s letter to announce that their learned historians had spent their precious time researching and authoring a book titled, The Road to the White House. Hmm, for starters, far more honest title choices would’ve been:

The Rocky Road to the White House OR America’s Near Death Experience.

Worse yet, the direct marketing department informed me that if I failed to opt out, STAT, they’d automatically ship this book to me for a no obligation, “free” 15 day perusal period. Hmm, for starters:

What’s free about my having to shell out shipping charges to send it back? I can think of far better ways to spend my bread… oh… say… by purchasing actual loaves of bread; some peanut butter and jam would be yummy, too.

Beyond that, why would I ever want to be reminded of how the 2020 election cycle ended on January 6, 2021; a.k.a., America’s Darkest Day; a.k.a. The Day of Infamy, where one Donald J. Trump, a.k.a. the (then) President of the United States of America had assembled his private army (a.k.a. his rightwing domestic terrorists, insurrectionists, psychotic sycophants, QAnon cultists, goons, thugs, etc.); commanded them to (on his behalf), storm the U.S. Capitol and overthrow the United States of America.

Why, each and very time I’d pick up such a book, I’d be instantly reminded of my righteous indignation regarding how that treasonous bastard has yet to be punished to the fullest extent of the law; and in all likelihood, NEVER WILL BE!

My gawd, for that treasonous act of his, alone, he deserves a life sentence in prison and eternal damnation in HELL! The only leniency he’d ever deserve would be to do his time within a maximum security mental institution.

However, to return to the book marketer created prob:

Initially, I thought I’d need to make a special trip to the Post Office to mail back the opt out postcard. And, factoring in the machinations of Trump’s appointed evil Postmaster General, one Louis DeJoy, and how he’s intentionally mucked up nearly everything postal, that card might not arrive in a timely manner; might never arrive at all.

Worst of all, I’d be risking my very life; the potential exposure to COVID-19’s far more communicable and deadlier variants by having to mask up to venture forth into Donny’s Diseased Dystopia.

Fortunately, in the fine print, the World Book folks had also included an opt out Toll Free phone number. That’s where I spoke to one of their reps who promptly cancelled the book’s auto mail out. I also requested she forward my comment to the powers-that-be, namely:

“Future offers such as these should be Opt-In NOT Opt-Out.”

And you know what? Sans any hesitation, she agreed with me. I thanked her and offered my stay healthy wishes.

Stay Publicly / Properly Masked!
Stay Safe at Home!
Stay Healthy!

-30-

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Dumb Real Donald Plays Post Office

From 1973 – 1982, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever / clairvoyant Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences.

Normally, I’d be introducing a Dumb Donald clip, but seeing how my demand has nearly exhausted YouTube’s supply, it’ll now be incumbent upon me to breathe new life into this concept. To do so, I’ve been simulating, semi-serious seances ISO head-to-head matches with those dearly departed Match Game souls. And methinks I’ve not been departing the spirit world alone. In fact, the entity within is now surfacing… everything is spinning… like this…

Greetings contestants! I’m M.C. Grayburn. Match Game 20-20’s new rules are straightforward. Each contestant has one chance to match as many of our six, predetermined responses as possible. You’ll be playing for a priceless grand prize… the confirmation that you’re still a clearheaded, critical thinking non-consumer of the odious Orange Man’s Kool-Aid™.

If your responses do not match, YET, prove more clever than Match Game’s (which is highly likely) you can still win by posting your own witty / wise alternatives in the comment section! That said, let’s play Match Game 20-20!

Grayburn: The Playing Post Office
Dumb Real Donald is soooooo dumb…
Audience: How dumb is he?
Grayburn: he broke all the rules to _______.

Once we click playback to start the “think music”, you’ll have 75 seconds to figure out your responses… and no peeking beneath the turquoise hued, rectangular partition!

The Playing Post Office Dumb Real Donald
is so dumb, he broke all the rules to _______

1. Make out with and fog up his bathroom mirror
2. Smooch Vladimir Putin’s ass
3. Lock lips with USPS Post Master General Louis DeJoy
4. Screw Lady Liberty & Mother Nature to death
5. Date Ivanka
6. Grab Stormy Daniels

My thanks to all who showed up to play today! M.C. Grayburn for Match Game 20-20!
Good-Bye and be sure to Stay Safe at Home! Stay Publicly Masked! Stay Healthy!