Dumb Donald: Spurious News

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

Rayburn: Dumb Donald is soooooo dumb…
Audience: How dumb is he?
Rayburn: After the doctor told him he had corns, he tried to ______ his feet.

Soooooo… how clairvoyant were these Match Game staffers? Well, they were able to envision how Real Donald once had his feet evaluated by a doctor… that podiatrist’s diagnosis of Foot Bone Spurs eventually assisting in his avoidance of military conscription. They also tapped into his propensity for sticking his foot in his mouth.

They sensed Real Donald’s Footwear Issues, too… e.g., his ascending the stairs to Air Force One with (toilet?) paper stuck to his shoe, and more recently, how his soles were soooooo slippery, he freaked out re the descent of a West Point Ramp… to quote Real Donald…

“General, there’s no way I can make it down that ramp without falling on my ass.”

These backward rippling temporal vibes had been soooooo strong, the writers felt compelled to involve Dumb Donald in, at least, three other foot related scenarios… all of which I’ve previously blogged about. If you missed viewing them or would like to rerun them, they’re all conveniently archived within my homepage’s Dumb Donald (Match Game) Category.

ASIDE: I’d be remiss not to mention how the first 1:30 of this episode also showcases the palpable, undercurrent of witty spontaneity, which was so prevalent throughout Match Game’s long run. To be sure, it was the repartee amongst Rayburn, the celebs and contestants, alike, which sent this show’s ratings soaring to the stars.

Speaking of upward momentum… it’s high time we scroll to the blog topper clip… to first experience the humor and then discover how well contestant Patty Currier will fare in her attempt to match the celeb panelists…

 

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Dumb Donald’s Suit

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

“When the lawyer threatened Dumb Donald with a suit,
Dumb Donald said, ‘I’ll take one with ________________!’”

So, re today’s Real Donald, where does that bygone writing staff’s prescience come into play?

To say the very least… today’s Donald is all too familiar with courtroom venues and attorneys-at-law.

To say a bit more… when it comes down to the legal proceedings’ hauling-in-your-ass phase, today’s Donald has been both the dragger and draggee. Since he’s renowned for making false / frivolous accusations and being accused of a (dirty) laundry list of crimes (too numerous to mention, HERE) he has wasted away most of his (alleged) adult life by lawyering up and clogging judges’ courtroom dockets… and in the process… tuckering out these adjudicators, too!

Hmm, at this point, there’s a need to discuss the minutiae. Ergo, I’d like to request a sidebar conference…

Your Honor, unlike my previous Dumb Donald posts, our above video presentation involves the entire Match Game episode. To hear Mr. Rayburn’s specific Round-3 Dumb Donald “testimony” you’ll need to FF to 12:28. Since the playback won’t autostop at 13:49, I’ll leave it to your discretion to either click stop or let everything play out to clip’s end.

That duly noted, it’s just about time to scroll upward… to discover how well contestant John Gordon will fare in his attempt to match the celeb panelists…

Hmm… knowing what we do know about the Real Donald, here’s how I’d fill in Mr. Rayburn’s blank…

“When the lawyer threatened Dumb Donald with a suit,
Dumb Donald said, ‘I’ll take one with a pair of handcuffs!’”

Maybe you’d like to play along, too? Let’s read it again…

“When the lawyer threatened Dumb Donald with a suit,
Dumb Donald said, ‘I’ll take one with ________________!’”

Hmm, why not enter your response in the comment section, below?

 

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Dumb Donald’s Din-Din (and Din)

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

Rayburn: “Dumb Donald is soooooooo dumb…
Audience: “How dumb is he?”
Rayburn: “Once he tried to ____ a TV Dinner.”

Soooooooo, just how do the two Donalds’ worlds meet?

Whoa! Time Out!

Setting aside the clairvoyance, momentarily, it doth seem some déjà vu is in play here, too.

Have we not seen this clip before? Well, as it turns out, my previous post (timestamped 12/04/19), allowed us to catch a different glimpse of couch potato Dumb Donald’s odd TV viewing habits.

And I ask… what better way to showcase how the two Donalds’ worlds converge?

Think about it…

Me: Match Game soothsayers felt a compulsion that was soooooooo strong…
You: How strong was it?
Me: They just had to tap, anew, into Real Donald’s compulsion for all things TV!

All of which adds further credence to the speculation that their minds were functioning on a higher plane of existence. This time, they even managed to allude to the Real Donald’s penchant for pigging out on nutritionally low quality, unhealthy fare while gorging on the garbage… the psychotic hogwash… the undeserved praise… which the FOX TV network “personalities” constantly cook up to feed Delusional Donald.

The only good that can come out of any of that crap is the Real Donald’s concurrent state of stupor and sloth. If humanity is fortunate, such sluggishness will bog down his evil plot to topple Democracy, Decency, Liberty and the American Dream. Maybe… just maybe… all he’ll be able to muster will be an endless series of disgusting, high decibel burps and farts.

Ahem… all things considered…

This would be the opportune moment to scroll back up to our clip… to discover how well contestant Debbie Rich will fare in her attempt to match the celeb panelists…

 

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Where Dumb Donald Has Driven Us / The U.S.

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

“Dumb Donald is so dumb, he tried to
wash his car by driving it into a _____.”

So, in this instance, just how do the two Donalds’ worlds meet?

Well, as is oft true in soothsayer circles, divining all that’s actually being observed in the crystal ball, at best, at first, can appear a bit hazy… mysterious… unearthly… otherworldly… will-o’-the-wisp.

But not to worry… it’d appear that the enshrouding mist is… slowly but surely… starting to dissipate. YES! Two… count ‘em… TWO images have started revealing themselves… with crystal clarity! We now see the way the world is supposed to be and… alas… the way that it really is…

At first, we discover the Real Donald hard at work… securely seated behind the wheel… feeling right “at home” in the driver’s seat. He’s steadfastly providing the oomph… the driving force… the forward momentum to resolutely guide our nation / world onto the high road… the higher astral plane of limitless progress. It’s a truly magical land, where our righteous wishing is all it takes to make it so. And those wishes-come-true are awesome! We see each and every soul attaining everlasting physical and spiritual well-being, blissful contentment and prosperity! OMG, our spotless windshield is now showcasing our spectacular destination: The Land of Milk and Honey.

Oh NO… say it isn’t so! Everything is starting to fade… crossfade into the inky darkness of an endless night. The drone of the gas guzzler’s engine… the dual tailpipes belching out sickly, acrid, nose-hair curling, billowing clouds of incompletely combusted petrol. The savage, pitiless tempest rages on and on. We’re traveling a rain slickened, crumbling, pothole cratered, winding, mile-high mountain road where… where… OH NO!  Off to the right, there’s the in-disrepair guardrail with countless sections missing! We’re just one errant steering wheel tug away from a plunge into the bottomless pit of misery! OH NO! There’s that ne’er-do-well… the Real Donald… who’s nodding off behind the wheel… CORRECTION… he’s so drunk on power that he’s passed out. OH NO! We’re all gonna die! We’re all careening, wildly out of control and heading for… heading for… heading for…

So sorry… everything is now breaking up. Hmm, we must’ve entered a tunnel where our crystal ball’s signal strength indicator… not unlike a cell phone’s… is showing “NO BARS”!

But not to worry… not to worry… if we scroll back up to our clip, I do believe our in deep thought, clairvoyant Match Game contestant will be able to correctly divine where motorist Dumb Donald has driven his car… and also… precisely where the Real Donald has driven the Real America…

And after Match Game has “signed off”, scroll back down to this bonus clip to really watch Real Donald in action / inaction…

 

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Dumb Donald: South of the Border

 

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

“Dumb Donald was so dumb. He didn’t have an air conditioner,
so, to keep cool, he stuck a ________ down his pants.”

So, what’s the Dumb Donald / Real Donald connection?

Both are embroiled in too hot to handle summers as well as… ahem… to phrase this decorously… dealing with painful, south of the border issues.

RE the Real Donald’s long hot summer… his dual DIY projects find him obsessing over statues that wrongfully glorify bigoted traitors to America and deploying hotheaded goons squads to trample the 1st Amendment Rights of the Black Lives Matter demonstrators who, rightfully so, have been toppling the fake prez’s monuments to stupidity. Meanwhile, his neglected, raging out of control pandemic has resulted in skyrocketing the fevers of his COVID-19 victims.

RE the Real Donald’s deep south, not so hot nether regions… well… for the details… let’s check out Jimmy Kimmel’s interview with Stephanie Clifford. I’ve cued up this (rewindable) 10:42, NSFW Linked Clip to start at 7:56.

Re our Match Game clip… we can only hope that the Real Donald never catches wind of these panelists’ bygone responses… I mean… he’s just Dumb enough to actually try what, they claim, the Fake Dumb Donald did.

Well, it’s high time we scroll up and hit that playback button… discover how many celebs, contestant Kathy is able to match…

 

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Dumb Donald’s Statue Statute

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (perhaps even clairvoyant) Match Game writers submitting dozens of Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

Dumb Donald is really dumb. He just opened a ________ for pet rocks.”

So, just how do the two Donald worlds meet? Short answer: They’re both rockhounds.

The Real Donald’s character flaws are inclusive of his ferocious fetish / hero worship for autocratic, imbecilic, xenophobic, psychopathic figures. Fleshing that out, he honors dishonorable Civil War era Confederate generals / soldiers… reprehensible racists and bloodthirsty enemies of / traitors to America… and their carved in stone likenesses. These erected statues are his “pet rocks”. As for whether or not his idols help him get his rocks off? Ahem… let’s not go there!

The Real Donald is so dumb that he has actually scrawled his gargantuan font signature onto an Executive Order… for the express purpose of protecting his monuments to stupidity… to shield them from the very vandalism, which all civilized people deem justifiable and long overdue. We’re speaking, especially, of the tens of thousands of peaceable protestors who’ve been pouring out into the streets to raise awareness of the fact: Black Lives Matter!

Toppling and deep-sixing each and every last damned one of Donald’s godforsaken “pet rocks”, should be top priority!

Yet, the Real Donald would much rather come to the rescue of HIS OWN asshat heroes than save the lives of the flesh and blood true blue Americans who… owing to his own monumental ignorance and neglect… he sickened with COVID-19. Far worse, on his watch, he has sickened to death 150,000 souls… and still counting.

All of that with nary even a blinked back tear in either of his vacant eyes. His obsession with rocky statuary is totally indicative of the rocks between his ears and the stone behind his sternum. Need we say more?

Well… maybe so… seeing how this clip hearkens back to 1975’s pet rock craze. For sure, nearly anyone born, afterwards, will be asking, “Pet what?” But not to worry, once we playback our Match Game clip, Mr. Rayburn will bring everyone up to speed. It’s amazing how even he needed to elaborate on the subject, scant months after the fad had faded. Even more astounding is how consumers had been pissing away their hard-earned bucks just to purchase rocks that anyone could readily find underfoot, free of charge, anywhere on our planet.

Now, let’s consider the possible blank fillers to our specific Match Game scenario…

“Dumb Donald is really dumb. He just opened a ________ for pet rocks.”

Real Donald’s possible responses:

• Trump Tower
• Hall of Fame
• Plantation

Critical Thinkers’ responses: [see addendum below]

• Graveyard
• Recycling Center
• Junkyard
• Hall of Shame

To check out Match Game contestant Joe’s logical, clever response, let’s scroll upward to playback our clip…

 

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ADDENDUM [07/27/20 08:58]: These thinkers’
responses would transform Dumb Donald into
a Smart Sammy who’s Really Smart Scenario.
How Dumb of me to not think of this sooner!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Dumb Donald’s Guerilla Warfare

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (perhaps even clairvoyant) Match Game writers submitting dozens of Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

“The Army Sergeant said, ‘Private Dumb Donald is so dumb, I told him
we were going to study guerilla warfare, so he showed up with a _____.’”

Granted, the responses of this episode’s celeb panelists and contestant do wind up tapping more into the guerilla / gorilla wordplay rather than foreseeing the Real Donald’s psychotic, unpatriotic and politically opportunistic flaws. Even so, they do loosely tie into our discussion.

In the players’ defense, who could’ve ever, in their worst night terrors, dreamed up a POTUS waging his private guerilla war AGAINST America… i.e., first, willfully invading U.S. cities… deploying his private army / goons… for the express purpose of trampling peaceable protestors’ 1st Amendment Rights AND, next, incorporating his war zones’ film footage into his deviously crafted, campaign commercials… ads a.k.a. his last ditch, futile attempt to (superficially) man up his flaccid image. And that’s really dumb!

The Real Donald’s estranged niece, author and shrink Mary Trump would likely concur. In her recently published expose… Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man… she relates how her Uncle Donny had cheated… hired a pal, Joe Shapiro, to take an SAT test for him.

Once again, that was… still is… really dumb. How dumb is it?

It’s doubtful that the Real Donald ever attended any courses that would’ve taught him how warfare… be it guerilla, conventional or nuclear… be it foreign or civil… should always be the very last option on the table and… more to the point… is a monumentally dumb way to attempt snagging a second term.

The only thing dumber would be if too many dumb voters buy into such chicanery.

If poetic justice rules, come Election Day 2020, the Real Donald will wind up slipping on the proverbial, metaphorical banana peel and, in defeat, fall flat on his fat Fascist fanny.

Let’s playback our Match Game clip to discover the rest of the story… i.e., how many celebrities Mr. Rayburn’s contestant will match…

 

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Re-Launching a Dumb Donald Scenario!

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (perhaps even clairvoyant) Match Game writers submitting dozens of Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

Dumb Donald, the astronaut, is so dumb, he
thinks the moon is made out of green cheese.
And that’s why, when he went to the moon,
he brought along _________.

Granted, how that could possibly apply to either Donald is a bit of a stretch. Indeed, it’d be out-of-this-world magnitude, out-of-character for NASA… or, to put a 21st century spin on this… Elon Musk’s SpaceX… to even consider launching an idiot into orbit…let alone sending him to the Moon. But, since healthy, heady creative license was in play back then, let’s run with it!

What the hell? I’m in a creative mood, too! Check out my update of their bygone scenario…

Dumb Donald, the astronaut, is so dumb, on behalf of the seeking
high office, space cadet politician, the Real Donald, he’s staging a
dress casual, campaign rally on the Moon. No ________ Allowed!

So, my site visitor contestants… feel like playing along? How would you fill in that blank? To see if you match one of my envisioned responses, scroll below this Match Game “think music” clip… AND NO PEEKING WHILE YOU’RE THINKING!

Dumb Donald, the astronaut, is so dumb, on behalf of the seeking
high office, space cadet politician, the Real Donald, he’s staging a
dress casual, campaign rally on the Moon. No ________ Allowed!

1. Spacesuits
2. Helmets
3. Oxygen Masks
4. Masks
5. Gray Matter
6. Brains

If you didn’t match, how about posting a comment to add your response to the list?

And lest we forget… to see how many panelists Mr. Rayburn’s contestant, Cathy, matches, do playback that clip above, too!

 

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Dumb Donald’s Drill

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, check out my set up, below,

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a household (four-letter) word, we found the clever (perhaps even clairvoyant) Match Game writers submitting oodles of Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

“Dumb Donald is so dumb, he went exploring
for gas by drilling in a __________.”

• So, where, pray tell, does the clairvoyance enter the picture?
• Just how does Dumb Donald’s world collide with the Real Donald’s?

Glad you asked. To get serious for a moment…

As we know, the climate change / global warming denier Real Donald (who withdrew the U.S. from the Paris climate accord on 06/01/17), oft speaks heatedly and oxymoronically about his beloved clean coal. He also expresses his burning desire to preserve the infernal, internal combustion engine and professes his undying love for Big Oil corps (corpses?). Consequently, that small-minded, small handed, shortsighted fool has been hellbent on firing up that untenable “Drill Baby Drill” attitude. The resultant runaway greenhouse effect, will cause an uninhabitable, Hell on Earth by… probably long before… 2050.

In a more lighthearted vein…

Celeb panelists Charles Nelson Reilly and Elaine Joyce also exhibit a bit of prescience by tapping into gas of the intestinal variety. It’s almost as if they had foreseen the Real Donald’s (mere days ago) Oval Office photo op where the grinning doofus huckstered Goya™ products.

 

So… let’s now clear the air a bit by discovering how many celebs Gene’s contestant, Robin, matches…

 

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Dumb Donald’s Snow Job

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, check out my set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a household (four-letter) word, we found the clever (perhaps even clairvoyant) Match Game writers submitting oodles of Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

“Ray said, ‘I’ll never ask Dumb Donald to fix my television, again. I told
him there was snow in the picture, so he came over with a _______.’”

Timely Aside: Seeing how North Carolina’s WRAL-HD became the first U.S. TV station to broadcast a digital HD signal on July 23, 1996 and, by 2009, the digital revolution had killed the power to remaining analogue broadcast towers, virtually everywhere, there’s now an entire generation of peeps, who may not be familiar with yesteryear’s oft poor quality, analogue signals. For their benefit, the best way to describe what appeared on our bygone, state-of-the-fart TV sets? The view was similar to peering out a car’s windshield, at the start of a snowstorm… just prior to switching on the wipers.

So, how do the paths of Dumb Donald… the TV repairman… and the Real Donald… the “star” of Reality TV… cross?

First of all, let’s keep in mind the following Americanism…

snow |snō| verb [with object] North American informal: mislead or charm (someone) with elaborate and insincere words: they would snow the public into believing that all was well.

One of the bitter lessons, which the pandemic has taught us, is how the Real Donald has really been working overtime… not to actually terminate corona’s rampage… but, instead, to try to snow job Americans into believing he’s doing a bang-up job.

Upon our factoring in snow’s slipperiness, I’m sure we’d all readily concur that he’s been spinning his wheels / getting zero traction… and worse yet… he’s been using that “snow” to bury his countrypersons… in both the figurative and literal sense.

Yep, via his incoherent words and constant misdeeds, the Real Donald really has been shoveling it on thick.

So, with shovels in mind, let’s now playback that blog topper clip and discover how many celebs contestant Robin matches.

 

Stay Safe! Stay Home! Stay Healthy!