Song Parody: The Brown Shirted Putin Hugger

 

From June 9 thru July 14, 1958, singer / songwriter Sheb Wooley’s novelty song, The Purple People Eater became an American, Billboard chart topper. Throughout that summer, as a four-year-young boy, I must’ve spun that 45rpm single multiple hundreds of times… practically melting it down on to my Zenith™ monaural turntable. Oh… how I yearn for the carefree, innocence of my younger days.

Well, it now being sixty summers later, I’ve “grown-up” and contemporized the lyrics to better fit our far from innocent times. Either read them as a poem or take it one step further. You see… I’ve also included a Karaoke video just in case any of you choose to sing along.

A few noteworthy advisories… as for my first two choruses, I do “crowbar in” far more syllables than Mr. Wooley had written into his lyrics. But, since I, a rank amateur singer, had no problem keeping up with the music, I know this is doable. Also… owing to the fast-paced song tempo… unless you have a companion to sing / speak the brief parenthetical passages, I’d advise that you omit them.

I must also do a bit of fact checking / explaining with regards to one lyrical reference. Since the USSR’s KGB morphed into the Russian Federation’s Federal Security Service, perhaps its high time to sub in “F – S – S” for “K – G – B”? Naw… considering how Vladimir Putin is still calling all the shots… look at it this way… F – S – S? K – G – B? W – T – F is the diff?

Additionally, since Wooley’s song ender was the word “Tequila”, I had originally subbed in “Sayonara”… a word ending in “a”. However, just prior to clicking the “publish button” this early a.m. I realized that instead of Japanese, I needed to say good-bye in Russian… hence my changing over to Proshchay / Прощай! BTW, follow the link to hear how to pronounce Proshchay.

Beyond that?

I hope you can have a bit of fun with this… I know I sure as hell did!

 

The Brown Shirted Putin Hugger

Well I saw the King in his scraper, sky-high.
Sporting two devil horns and glared evil eye,
I commenced to shakin’ and I said, “ooh-eee!”
“It looks like a duped Putin Hugger to me!”

CHORUS: It was a woman hater, child abuser, brown shirted, Putin Hugger,
Woman hater, child abuser, brown shirted, Putin Hugger,
Woman hater, child abuser, brown shirted, Putin Hugger,
Looks deranged to me! (evil eye!)

He came down from his tower and lit in D – C,
I begged, “Patsy Mr. Putin Hugger, don’t harm me!”
I heard him say in a voice so gruff,
“I’ll outsource that job to a K – G – B tough!” *

CHORUS: It was a woman hater, child abuser, brown shirted Putin Hugger,
Woman hater, child abuser, brown shirted, Putin Hugger,
Woman hater, child abuser, brown shirted, Putin Hugger,
Looks deranged to me! (Devil Horns!)

I said, “Nasty Mr. Putin Hugger, what’s your line?”
He said, “Bumping off America, to me, that’s fine!”
“But there’s more to come to conquer your homeland…”
“Vlad and I will overthrow the whole world / expand!

CHORUS: He’s sold his soul, tanks will roll, Brown Shirted, Putin Hugger,
Prison camps, genocide, Brown Shirted, Putin Hugger,
We wear long frowns! Ugly, evil Putin Hugger,
There’s no place to flee! (We’re Screwed!)

He next Tweeted from D – C, just to rally his throngs.
His incoherent screeds, masked his faults and his wrongs,
He “sang” a ditzy ditty ‘bout the clouds of mushroom!
(“Sing a boop boop aboopa loopa BOOM! BOOM!! BOOM!!!)

CHORUS: He’s sold his soul, tanks will roll, Brown Shirted Putin Hugger,
Mushroom clouds, we’ll all die, Brown Shirted Putin Hugger,
We wear long frowns! Ugly, evil Putin Hugger,
Pearly Gates we’ll see? (We’re Saved?)

Well, he went on his way, and then what do ya know?
I saw him last night on a FOX TV show,
He was blowing it out, really knockin’ Sean dead,
Brain farting Fake News through the hole in his head!

Proshchay! / Прощай!

 

 

 

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BlogCast: Tom’s Top 20 Countdown “2” Christmas: Song 12

 

Today’s featured 1955, holiday novelty classic… (I’m Gettin’) Nuttin’ For Christmas… composed by Sid Tepper and Roy C. Bennett… performed by Art Mooney and His Orchestra with vocalist Barry Gordon… is quite the blast from my past.

As is true with most humans just starting out in life, my younger days were filled with my own “nuttin’ but bad” moments. And, that did test my loving parents’ patience. True, few of my transgressions had ever even come close those acted out by this song’s mischief-maker / future felon. Nevertheless, my folks needed to find creative ways to reason with me… encourage me to conform to more acceptable behavior.

Well, it was during Christmastimes when things became much easier for them… thanks, in part, to this very song. I mean, all Mom and Dad needed to do was play it to remind me that I could easily, first, wind up on Santa’s naughty list and, next, wind up gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas.

While my amateur child psychologist folks usually drove their point home, I do recall one instance where, prior to my cooling it, their playback of this song had quite the opposite effect… had so infuriated me that I had almost considered shattering this vinyl 45 to bits… ALMOST.

Well… I did eventually grow out of my ornery, unreasonable developmental stage. Regrettably, not all of us can make such a claim.

Fast forwarding to a story torn from yesterday’s front page news, I began to feel elated upon learning that Alabama voters… not unlike my parents from so long ago… had found the naughtiness of one of their two U.S. Senatorial candidates, Roy Moore, to be totally unacceptable. By denying him a victory, effectively, they were saying to him:

Roy-boy, since you’ve been so naughty, it’s time for a time out… get out of public life… go stand in the corner. From us, you’ll be gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas this year!

Indeed, even though Moore is an alleged adult, to anyone who can still think for themselves, he did leave the distinct, lasting, negative impression that he’s nuttin’ but a naughty child. A spoiled rotten brat who was… and still is… verging on throwing ceaseless, high decibel level, screeching, whining, kicking, writhing on the floor temper tantrums.

Not surprisingly, considering the holiday season in which this past Tuesday’s special election had taken place… factoring in Roy’s character (or lack thereof) and this election’s outcome… I felt inspired. In a matter of one hour, I had composed s respectable rough draft of my (I’m Gettin’) Nuttin’ For Christmas parody.

DISCLAIMER #1: Of course, on a more serious note… here in America… and as is true in other freedom loving nations spanning our vast world… when suspected of criminal activity, the accused is always presumed innocent until proven guilty… even when one’s multiple accusers are credible.

More to the point…since Moore’s guilt or innocence has yet to be established in any jury trial convened within any court of law, this is the primary reason why you’ll find two question marked lyrics within my parody.

As for the rest of my lyrics, they are based upon many of the not-so-fun facts, which I discovered while reading Moore’s lengthy Wikipedia Bio.

DISCLAIMER #2: As most of us know, Wikipedia’s revisionists occasionally present “here today gone tomorrow” “facts”… ergo, if you choose to follow that link, take whatever you read there (as well as what is to follow below) with a grain of salt.

In other words… my version of (I’m Gettin’) Nuttin’ For Christmas is just for entertainment / infotainment purposes. Enjoy!

 

Roy’s Gettin’ Nuttin’ For Christmas

 

Roy’s gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas,
Voters with values were mad,
Roy’s gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas,
‘Cause Roy ain’t been nuttin’ but bad!

Roy yearns for mash-up, church and state,
Smart voters flipped him off,
Roy insists gays must never date,
Smart voters flipped him off,
Roy hates the Free Press, fact based news,
Loathes all Muslims and all Jews,
Swoons for Putin, loves Vlad’s views,
Smart voters flipped him off!

Oh, Roy’s gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas,
Voters with values were mad,
Roy’s gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas,
‘Cause Roy ain’t been nuttin’ but bad!

Roy’s views on Darwin: DO NOT teach!
Smart voters flipped him off,
Denies protestors their Free Speech,
Smart voters flipped him off,
With slavery Roy’s on same page,
Stalks, assaults girls, underage???
Counters “NOs”, with beastly rage???
Smart voters flipped him off!

Oh, Roy’s gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas,
Voters with values were mad,
Roy’s gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas,
‘Cause Roy ain’t been nuttin’ but bad!

Roy’s way too naughty, says Saint Nick,
Smart voters flipped Roy off,
Roy’s blue state rival was wise pick,
Smart voters flipped Roy off,
Roy’s far too crooked to go straight,
Good for nuttin’, second rate,
Can’t evolve, NOPE, it’s too late,
Smart voters flipped him off!

COMMON SENSE CONCLUSION:

Mom, save your teen daughters, protect their virtue,
Pop, call the mall cops, whatever you do,
See Roy gets nuttin’ for Christmas!

 

At this time, I’d like to express my gratitude to all who are spending their precious time listening to my “Top 20 Countdown “2” Christmas”… a musical mix featuring spiritual content, social commentary, secular and even some humorous elements. My plan is to get as many of us into the holiday spirit as is possible. Towards that future, I’ll continue presenting my selections… classics all… counting ‘em down one-a-day… from now until we reach #1 on the 25th.

So… be sure to stop back here again… if not daily… schedule your return visits as often as your time permits.

I’d also like to invite you to click back for my regular monthly BlogCast… one that typically features anywhere from 3 to 5 songs that, when segued, transform everything into an appealing theme… this program slated to hit the www “airwaves” on Sunday, December 24, 2017.

 

I now wish you Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays!

 

FYI, my past musical presentations are archived within my BlogCast and music categories.

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