Fortune Cookie Blog (What Wall?)

 

Let us be damned sure to point out the barefaced hypocrisy
of the germ-o-phobe king with a wall fetish; who barebacks
it with porn stars & playmates; who doesn’t have our backs
when it comes down to walling off the deadly coronavirus!

 

Stay Safe at Home! Stay Publicly Masked! Stay Healthy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dumb Real Donald Plays Post Office

From 1973 – 1982, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever / clairvoyant Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences.

Normally, I’d be introducing a Dumb Donald clip, but seeing how my demand has nearly exhausted YouTube’s supply, it’ll now be incumbent upon me to breathe new life into this concept. To do so, I’ve been simulating, semi-serious seances ISO head-to-head matches with those dearly departed Match Game souls. And methinks I’ve not been departing the spirit world alone. In fact, the entity within is now surfacing… everything is spinning… like this…

Greetings contestants! I’m M.C. Grayburn. Match Game 20-20’s new rules are straightforward. Each contestant has one chance to match as many of our six, predetermined responses as possible. You’ll be playing for a priceless grand prize… the confirmation that you’re still a clearheaded, critical thinking non-consumer of the odious Orange Man’s Kool-Aid™.

If your responses do not match, YET, prove more clever than Match Game’s (which is highly likely) you can still win by posting your own witty / wise alternatives in the comment section! That said, let’s play Match Game 20-20!

Grayburn: The Playing Post Office
Dumb Real Donald is soooooo dumb…
Audience: How dumb is he?
Grayburn: he broke all the rules to _______.

Once we click playback to start the “think music”, you’ll have 75 seconds to figure out your responses… and no peeking beneath the turquoise hued, rectangular partition!

The Playing Post Office Dumb Real Donald
is so dumb, he broke all the rules to _______

1. Make out with and fog up his bathroom mirror
2. Smooch Vladimir Putin’s ass
3. Lock lips with USPS Post Master General Louis DeJoy
4. Screw Lady Liberty & Mother Nature to death
5. Date Ivanka
6. Grab Stormy Daniels

My thanks to all who showed up to play today! M.C. Grayburn for Match Game 20-20!
Good-Bye and be sure to Stay Safe at Home! Stay Publicly Masked! Stay Healthy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Art Imitates Life! NSFW!

 

Other than on my homepage, the Stick-Figure Narcissist Fascist… below… who needs no further introduction… will not likely appear aligned center and orange hued, as intended! NOPE, nowhere else on the www! So, who is he?

There are ample clues. Note his mangy question-mark hairdo, “deer caught in the headlights” expression / vacuous eyes, yuge never shut pie-hole, two middle fingered tiny hands, man boobs, corpulent belly, considerable ass and… sparing no detail… per Stormy’s testimonial… his inadequate “junk”.

Seeing how virtually everything he says and does is the embodiment of obscenity and poor taste… well… an “artist’s” rendering… no matter how abstract… must faithfully capture everything.

 

???
(õõ)
(ö)
ò~~(∞)~~ó
((Q))
// ω \\
//       \\
//          \\

 

 

Stay Safe at Home! Stay Publicly Masked! Stay Healthy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dumb Donald: South of the Border

 

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

“Dumb Donald was so dumb. He didn’t have an air conditioner,
so, to keep cool, he stuck a ________ down his pants.”

So, what’s the Dumb Donald / Real Donald connection?

Both are embroiled in too hot to handle summers as well as… ahem… to phrase this decorously… dealing with painful, south of the border issues.

RE the Real Donald’s long hot summer… his dual DIY projects find him obsessing over statues that wrongfully glorify bigoted traitors to America and deploying hotheaded goons squads to trample the 1st Amendment Rights of the Black Lives Matter demonstrators who, rightfully so, have been toppling the fake prez’s monuments to stupidity. Meanwhile, his neglected, raging out of control pandemic has resulted in skyrocketing the fevers of his COVID-19 victims.

RE the Real Donald’s deep south, not so hot nether regions… well… for the details… let’s check out Jimmy Kimmel’s interview with Stephanie Clifford. I’ve cued up this (rewindable) 10:42, NSFW Linked Clip to start at 7:56.

Re our Match Game clip… we can only hope that the Real Donald never catches wind of these panelists’ bygone responses… I mean… he’s just Dumb enough to actually try what, they claim, the Fake Dumb Donald did.

Well, it’s high time we scroll up and hit that playback button… discover how many celebs, contestant Kathy is able to match…

 

Stay Safe at Home! Stay Publicly Masked! Stay Healthy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RU really, Really, REALLY DYING to attend THAT Rally?

 

Let’s check out the latest poop on the big time Germ-O-Phobe Donny, the science denier and magical thinker, who had originally and erroneously claimed that [1] the COVID-19 “scare” was a Democrat Hoax, [2] this disease’s then known 15 cases would soon be down to ZERO and [3] the Pandemic would be all over… TA-DA… by the end of April!

These days, when the Trumpster isn’t hunkering down in his bunker, night and day, his medico feverishly tests, Tests, TESTS everyone, who comes within a micron of breaching Bunker Boy’s White House Bubble!

Hmm, perchance has Donny, who failed, big time, to act promptly, proactively and purposefully to thwart COVID-19, finally begun to appreciate the seriousness of the coronavirus crisis of his own making?

Not likely.

That praise junkie, ISO of his adulation fix, is just about ready to go quacking and waddling about his COVID-19 mucked up world and campaign trail. Seeing how that cad, notorious for hobnobbing and hanging out with porn stars and playmates, sans protection, will also be stumping mask-less, one wonders…

• Just how safe will that Germ-O-Phobe be feeling?

• How safe will the legions of his rally attending, sycophantic, sicko suckers be feeling?

Well, true to little wittle Donny’s “it’s all about me” attitude, he’s so “concerned” for the health and well-being of his voter base that he’s insisting they read and agree to the terms of his Rally Warning Label. Check this out…

“By clicking register below, you are acknowledging that an inherent risk of exposure to COVID-19 exists in any public place where people are present. By attending the Rally, you and any guests voluntarily assume all risks related to exposure to COVID-19 and agree to not hold Donald J. Trump for President, Inc.; BOK Center; ASM Global; or any of their affiliates, directors, officers, employees, agents, contractors, or volunteers liable for any illness or injury.”

REGISTER

Seeing how his fans are always dying to see see their Fascist idol… in the flesh… all 227kgs / 500lbs of his jiggly, flabby Fascist flesh… it’s entirely possible that his disclaimer’s first four words, “By clicking register below” will instantaneously prompt them to click on “REGISTER” sans reading the rest of Trump’s Terms. The consequences will be grave…

• The fake prez will not only be firing up his base, he’ll also be fanning the flames of a COVID-19 wildfire.

• His fans will soon be dying.

• Future campaign rally attendees will be those who’ve “only” been sickened by COVID-19.

• Hmm… just how safe will the mask-less Donald J. Trump feel when, his massive crowd’s roar gets replaced by the sound of everyone coughing up their diseased lungs?

 

 

 

 

 

One Question Poly-Sci Pop Quiz

 

1. Who can best discipline The Tyrant; rein in his excess?

[a] The House of Reps’ oversight; the U.S. Congress
[b] The 4th Estate’s exposés; that good ol’ free press
[c] A Forbes mag spanking; from the porn star actress
[d] All of the above
[e] None of the above

 

 

 

 

A Pathogenic Dealey Plaza?

 

Following the (alleged), lengthy, outward-bound trail of “bread crumbs” extending from the White House to two specific boudoirs, we now know how sufficient funds proved insufficient in silencing a porn star and a Playboy bunny… i.e., could not prevent them from exposing the X-rated (alleged) prez’s (alleged) extramarital hook-ups.

1. If the fake prez’s sexploits are, indeed, true… one wonders how a self-proclaimed “stable genius” could ever be caught in flagrante delicto. One would think that, at the very least, he’d be aware of the fact that…

Money Can’t Buy Him Either Love or Silence!

How ironic it is, indeed, how he cannot even properly assess who’s to blame. Hell, all he would ever need to do is gaze adoringly into the nearest mirror. Now, that’s not asking too much from a narcissist… is it? Well… apparently it is.

Instead, we find that his persecution complex, paranoia and arrested development are all acting like a harmful drug interaction… i.e., one that drives him to bogusly brand finger-pointing Democrats and liberals as mudslinging disseminators of “fake news”.

At the risk of over-generalizing… must anyone remind the (alleged) prez that sex industry workers tend to be liberally minded? Such a ‘tude could certainly prove an asset for anyone who bares it all and/or boinks for bucks. Additionally, many of these folks feel the “allure” of porn wages, which far exceed the non-living, minimum wage jobs, which billionaire conservatives purportedly “create”. As such, a nude model / porn star could neither feel any loyalty to the big bucker Donny… nor could he ever expect them to cozy up to the glaring hypocrisy of his publicly, pretending to be a Bible thumper while privately fornicating.

Hmm… to help him atone, perhaps, future mistresses could spank / thump Trump’s rump with a Bible? Uh… BAD IDEA! The Secret Service would first freak out… next categorize that as an assault… and finally rush in to (hopefully secretly) offer up their protection.

2. If the fake prez’s sexploits are, indeed, true… one wonders how a self-proclaimed germ-o-phobe could ever overcome his fears long enought to engage in risky, condom-less conduct? BTW, the porn star did claim they had barebacked it! Imagine that… even against the backdrop of an antibiotic / antiviral drug resistant, STD raging pandemic… one that’s inclusive of potentially fatal HIV/AIDS! And, most assuredly, when considering the tenacity and adaptability of most microbes, usage of words, such as FATAL, would not be unwarranted.

3. If the fake prez’s sexploits are, indeed, true… this means he has not only had sex with two women but with every last, damned one of their sex partners… and with every partner those partners have had sex with… and on and on and on.

4. If the fake prez’s sexploits are, indeed, true… how can any medical professional ever claim (with any certainty) that nasty microbes… maybe even some that have yet to be discovered… have not been rotting away his body and (alleged) brain? Indeed, might his reckless, erotic private behavior account for much of his wildly erratic, public behavior?

5. If the fake prez’s sexploits are, indeed, true… what would stop an enemy from using that against him. What if that were to go beyond that (alleged) made-in-Russia pee-pee tape, which Vladimir Putin is (allegedly) using as blackmail? Bad enough… BUT… here’s where the (alleged) prez’s (alleged) promiscuity gets even dicier.

What if, someday, an ISIS type foe were to hire some bioethics barren, recombinant DNA geneticist… ask him/her to tinker with the adenine (A), thymine (T), guanine (G) and cytosine (C) bases… and in the process… cook up a totally new sexually transmitted disease? Let’s say that resultant microbe is fine-tune engineered to be female gender-friendly. Fleshing that diabolical scenario out further, each infected woman would become a totally unharmed carrier fully capable of spreading the disease to each of her totally vulnerable male partners… men who’d, eventually, succumb? Perhaps that pathogen should be named the BlackWidowSpider-18? Or to be more scientifically accurate call it the LatrodectusMactans-18?

6. If the fake prez’s sexploits are, indeed, true… one would hope that his Secret Service protectors are cognizant of the fact that any of his drop-dead-gorgeous women, in actuality, could be in possession of a deeply concealed (as in… invisible to the naked eye), drop-dead caliber weapon. In other words, the fake prez, while tooling down each partner’s “private road”… as it were… could be driving down the pathogenic equivalent of JFK’s 11/22/1963 motorcade drive through Dealey Plaza.

One would expect Secret Service training to be inclusive of such futuristic plots… i.e., so they’d know their protection should be inclusive of confronting and confining a suspected bio-assassin before she had even undone one blouse button… or if things had already gotten down and dirty… to… at the very least… rush in… just in the nick of time… to offer (latex) protection to the prez!

Yeah… I know… I know… I know…

This blog’s already icky subject matter has just gotten even ickier. But… as we all should know… both a Blogger’s and a Secret Service agent’s job can get dirty… but damn it… someone has to do it!

 

 

DANGER! Unsafe Sex! ~ 1 Quick Limerick #057 & #058

 

At safe sex issues, he’s flippin’ off snubber,
He is foolhardy, has brain made of blubber,
He “dates” blond, porn star honeys,
And mates with, Playboy Bunnies,
Yet, wears no “raincoat”, made of latex rubber!

 

Spurned spouse will not hold his hand! She’s astute!
From her boudoir, does she give him the boot?
She knows his flings, with his cuties,
Could spread microbial cooties,
To be prepared, she should buy Hazmat Suit!

 

Yeah… I know… I’ve posted 2 limericks instead of 1. But think of it this way… the marriage of 2 people forms 1 couple AND the risky conduct of 1 can endanger the health… HELL… the very lives of 2.

Additionally… ever since America’s earliest days, presidents have been deemed role models to look up to and admire. Even though this is no longer possible, we can all still learn… that is if we FIRST deem him the perfect example of how NOT to live our lives and NEXT act accordingly.

 

For more limericks (as well as other verses and song parodies, etc.), head over to my “Categories Menu” and select “Poetry”.

 

 

In the Eye of the Storm(y)? (One Quick Limerick #043)

 

Did porn star Stormy, “prez” Don, both disrobe?
Is the fake prez a for real germ-o-phobe?
He says he fears all infection?
She says he wore no protection?
Were both exposed to brain rotting microbe?

 

This alleged roll in the hay went down approximately one dozen years ago… which would be more than enough time for some undiscovered, untreated, end stage STD to reprogram his alleged mind with chaos, churlishness and capriciousness. Or was he just born that way?

If any of you readers out there have any other diagnoses, type them out in the comment box below.

 

FYI… you can access archived limericks, poems, and lyrical parodies by clicking onto my poetry category.

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