Interstellar Goodwill Ambassadors’ Messages…

As we just saw in that above clip, Interstellar Goodwill Ambassador Klaatu attempts First Contact by bravely facing down Earthlings, who are armed to the teeth with primitive, yet deadly weaponry. Needless to say… things do not go well…

With these clips in mind, I now assume the role of the Interstellar Goodwill Ambassador to deliver my own message…

 

In the interest of interstellar amity, I’d like to address all extraterrestrials wherever you may hail from. Please keep in mind the inherent dangers in making First Contact… especially when it comes down to us Earthlings. Even if you’re only on a hiding in the bluff, anthropological mission, you could still be in grave danger.

One of our famous writers, Mark Twain, once said, “Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.” And I’d ditto Mr. Twain’s schrewd counsel whenever we assess Earth’s demented demographic, too.

You say you’re not here to argue with anyone? Guess again! To better illustrate just how bad terrestrials’ ‘tudes can get, we’ve got a book called a Thesaurus, that’s loaded with synonyms that further describe our argumentative nature… e.g., quarrelsome, disputatious, captious, contrary, cantankerous, contentious; belligerent, bellicose, combative, antagonistic, truculent, pugnacious.

Does any of that get you to worrying about the success of your missions? It should! Could any of this lead to interstellar / interplanetary warfare? What do you think?

Granted, you do out-think and outgun us. But… in far too many instances… and as I’ve already alluded to… too many of the Earthlings you encounter will OUTCRAZY you. And OUTCRAZY can be a dicey situation… one that could suddenly tip the tactical advantage against you.

To e.g. that, traipse gingerly through our bullets flying everywhere / every day Wild West Wasteland. You’ll be facing down pop up war zones… impromptu battlefields… where you’ll be besieged by ravenous for the limelight, sociopathic domestic and international terrorists. Or, in your case, that’d make them interstellar terrorists. Remember, their fusillades of bullets and IEDs can easily mangle your bodies / be as deadly as your deathrays are to us. Hell, they might even attempt ramming vehicles or even hijacked jets into your spacecraft.

As for you guys saying, “Take me to your leader”? Don’t be fools! Do not… repeat… DO NOT even consider such a summit. A yuge part of that OUTCRAZINESS is the xenophobia driven intolerance exhibited by this world’s heads up their asses, heads of state.

To e.g. that, wrap your minds around the unfortunate present-day, anti-alien attitude that targets terrestrial aliens… terrestrial aliens, mind you… especially here, within the United States. This is but a mere dress rehearsal for how they’d horrifically abuse you.

To further e.g. that, let me introduce you to “our” small minded, small handed, (ostensibly) small endowed “leader” who makes up for his feelings of abject inadequacy by rattling his phallic symbol nuclear missiles. When we factor in his demented notions of creating a Space Force… well… that’s when we’ve got to believe he’s lusting to first target you guys and next launch those nukes. You just gotta know, too, that he also yearns to get off while blasting off those suckers. In that sort of enraptured state, he’d be on (mushroom) cloud nine!

Need I go on?

A final word to the wise… if you’re still planning on a close encounter of any kind… please… whatever you do… you must ensure topflight maintenance of your flying saucers / starships! Prior to and during your visits to Earth, run precautionary, daily diagnostics of your propulsion systems / star drives, cloaking devices, shield generators and communication devices. As for your engines, when you shift them into reverse, you had better be able to net velocities that are on par with your forward speeds. In other words, you must be able to get out trouble as fast as you get into it. Believe me… to deal with Earth, in any way, is to get into trouble… spelled with a capital T.

You’d be well advised to reprogram your robot, too… I believe his name is Gort. To get fully into CYA mode, you must ensure that no Earthling ever tries to boss him around… order him to stand down by uttering…

“Klaatu barada nikto! Klaatu barada nikto! Klaatu barada nikto!”

While I do offer you the olive branch of peace… many other Earthlings would choose to use it to beat you to a pulp… or worse… as suggested in, yet, another deadly First Contact dramatization…

Why can’t the argumentative, quarrelsome, disputatious, captious, contrary, cantankerous, contentious; belligerent, bellicose, combative, antagonistic, truculent, pugnacious people of our world stand down and get along with each other… inclusive of aliens… be they terrestrial or extraterrestrial… i.e., the way the following happily-ever-after-ending plays out…

 

 

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Robotics vs. Psychotics (One Quick Limerick #030)

 

The so-called-prez, Kim Jong-Un, strut and snort,

Rattle their nukes and our nerves just for sport,

Will their demeanor, psychotic,

Prompt intervention, robotic?

Will Earth be visited by Klaatu’s Gort?

 

If you’ve never seen the classic, 1951 Sci-Fi cinematic gem, which inspired the above limerick, you can read all about it over at Wikipedia and/or watch the entire film over at YouTube (regrettably, the images are not centered properly but it’s the only free of charge clip I could locate).

You can access more original limericks, poetry and lyrical parodies by clicking onto my poetry category.