OOOOOOH!!! AHHHHHH!!! WHEEEEEE!!! WE’RE FREEEEEE!!!

 

Michigan has a bumper crop of legislator bums (“bums” in the British connotation). They’re akin to self-centered children trapped in adults’ bodies. In their younger days it’s easy to envision them throwing epic temper tantrums if/when mommy and daddy ever tried to rein them in. A few examples…

INCIDENT A: Their legislation has relaxed the rules that once required all motorcyclists to wear helmets.

These kiddies exclaim, “WE’RE FREEEEEE!”

All sober grown-ups counter, “Oh really?”

Their (f)law* has resulted in a dramatic upsurge in traumatic brain injuries and death.

INCIDENT B: They’ve raised the speed limit on many highways/freeways to 75 mph, which likely means that, eventually, if not already, lead-footed drivers will be edging their speedometers upwards into the 90 – 100+ mph zone.

These kiddies squeal with glee, “WHEEEEEE!!!”

All sober grown-ups counter, “Oh really?”

Tragically, it’d fall on these (f)lawmakers’ deaf ears if anyone were to…

  1. mention how Michigan’s crumbling roadways are riddled with potholes and craters… are simply in no condition to safely accommodate faster traffic… which renders these ill-conceived speed limit hikes downright deadly.
  2. point out how even the most fuel efficient cars guzzle gasoline faster at higher mph, which only wastes energy and adds more pollutants to our air, soil and water.
  3. mention how “driverless” cars are a huge problem, too… driverless because humans, behind the wheel, are balancing drive thru cups of scalding coffee and stuffing egg McMuffins into their pie holes… all this while texting and viewing God-only-knows-what on their “devices”.

Folks, an increase in incidents of car caused carnage is inevitable.

Oh, btw, I’ve already done the math and this mph increase, at best, will “save” drivers (who, e.g., are commuting 50 miles to their workplaces) around 15 minutes! That’s a hollow victory hardly worth anyone giddily jumping up and down in celebration.

Now, speaking of celebration…

INCIDENT C: Michigan’s immature legislators have also enacted an insane fireworks law, which grants full access to roman candles, bottle and missile-type rockets, etc, to every 18+-year-old yahoo who ever existed. America’s 10 federal holidays (plus the day before and after each of them) is when these alleged grown-ups can legally detonate these devices. Per annum, that adds up to 30 days total!

These wideeyed, slack jawed kiddies let out their, “OOOOOOH!!! AHHHHHH!!!”

All sober grown-ups (literally) counter, “YAWWWNNNN.”

Folks, these legislators have actually included Christmas. Yep… nothing says “Happy Birthday Jesus” more like blasting off fireworks???? Good God!

Indeed, we’re talking about one full, freakin’ months’ worth of worthless, warzone decibel disturbances, which further debilitates our nation of already sleep deprived citizens, freaks out household pets and does far worse things than any of that!

These loud explosions upset war veterans and war heroes, who are battling PTSD and folks, who are suffering from autism.

Look, I’m not a total anti-fireworks freak. All I’m saying is that firing them off should be limited to America’s Independence Day and, perhaps, at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve. That would be an entirely reasonable compromise… well unless you’re a childish legislator who is also getting under the table, dirty money from the Fireworks manufactures.

I do suppose there’s one upside to all the above situations… when legislators are prioritizing their lawmaking in this manner… that limits the time they’ll have to do even more serious damage to Michigan.

It’s high time we vote out these bums (again, “bums” in the British connotation)!

 

*flaw + law = (f)law

 

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