The Book of Dumb Donald

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

Rayburn: Dumb Donald is soooooo dumb…
Audience: How dumb is he?
Rayburn: He tells all his friends that he’s got the world’s
only personally autographed copy of the _________!

While Gene’s contestant, Linda, and the celebs take a few moments (way back on May 31, 1978), to consider how best to fill in that ol’ blank, there’s a bit of old business you and I need to tend to.

FULL DISCLOSURE: Falling in line with the commonplace TV land practice, I’ve opted to schedule a clip that’s a summer rerun. But, considering how my ratings / analytics tell me that only a handful of peeps had viewed it back on my original posting date, 03/08/2020, it’ll likely all be new to you.

However, even for those who did see it back in March, there still is a compelling reason to play it again. It was three months afterwards… on 06/01/2020… when our bygone Match Game writers’ prescience… even contestant Linda’s and the celebs’ clairvoyance all became even more evident.

That’s the day where Real Donald, in flagrant violation of the U.S. Constitution’s Bill of Rights (1st Amendment), had barked out his marching orders to his own private army… deployed his storm troopers to DC’s Lafayette Park to viciously attack / teargas protestors, who had opted to exercise their free speech rights and peaceably assemble to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Which only proves how dumb Real Donald really is. Hey, I know! Let’s run my own scenario, concurrently!

• Real Dumb Donald is soooooo dumb…
• How dumb is he?
• Just to “man up” his flaccid image, he lumbered into
Lafayette Park for a photo op; to stand right in front
of St. John’s Church to pose with a copy of the ______!

By the by, my original Dumb Donald commentary (03/08/2020) can be found (where else?) within my homepage’s Dumb Donald (Match Game) category.

To view the Real Dumb Donald’s photo op click the clip below, HOWEVER, for optimal effect, click the clip, above, first.

Well, that more than covers it. Let’s all play Match Game!

 

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Dumb Donald: Horse’s Head / Ass

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

Rayburn: Dumb Donald was soooooo dumb…
Audience: How dumb was he?
Rayburn: When his friends asked him to be The Godfather
for their baby, he put a _________ in the baby’s crib!

While Gene’s contestant, Stan, and the six celebs take a few moments to consider how best to fill in that ol’ blank, let’s consider how Real Donald’s backward emanations have managed to violate the space / time continuum… to arrive on (or slightly before) this episode’s April 15, 1977 air date (just in the nick of time to influence our soothsayer writers). Of course, what remains to be seen is what type of (perhaps violence oriented) responses both he and they may trigger.

Hmm, to gain a better understanding of where the Real Donald’s head is at, let’s unpack his bursting at the seams baggage.

The Godfather aspect to this Dumb Donald scenario is rooted in the Real Donald’s ferocious, ganging up mental disorders and nasty character flaws, inclusive of his utterly misguided hero worship for bloodthirsty, psychopathic autocrats, Nazis, Klansmen, godfathers, dons, thugs, hoodlums and NRA gun nuts.

Godfather Dumb Donald’s manner of “gifting” his godchild is mired in the horrific child abuse, which Real Donald’s mumsy and dadsy had handed down to him, most of which had triggered his recent [1] kidnapping, abusing and caging of asylum seeking parents’ babies / children and [2] demands that resident parents… no questions permitted… mindlessly march their kids into the crawling with COVID-19, K-12, creepy classrooms (of his own making)!

Oh, by the by, there is one definitive, equine related response, which panelist Richard Dawson and, yes, even host Gene Rayburn had come up with. To further enhance their brilliance and wit, let’s give a listen to this companion clip, featuring this Roy Zimmerman / Melanie Harby song parody selection…

Well, that more than covers it. All that remains to be seen is our blog topper clip… so… let’s all play Match Game!

 

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What Dumb Donald Hungers For

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

When Dumb Donald went out with Ellen, he
wanted to impress her; so he ordered in French.
Unfortunately, they were at a _______.

Whoa! For starters, don’t we all miss the element of audience participation, here?
Soooooo… at least in the theatre of the mind, we must rephrase this, thusly…

Rayburn: Dumb Donald was soooooo dumb…
Audience: How dumb was he?
Rayburn: When he went out on a date with
Ellen, to impress her, he ordered in French.
Unfortunately, they were at a _________.

That’s better! Now, as for how Real Donald’s backward emanations had influenced Match Game’s soothsayer writers (on or before episode air date: January 4, 1977), please note how that cad’s date is not named Melania. Obviously we’re witnessing, yet, another open and shut case of marital infidelity. Furthermore, factoring in his penchant for porn stars / playmates, might Ellen be working her butt off in adult films. too?

And, as for any naysayers who’d point out that Real Donald is not bilingual? Well, would it really shock anyone were we to discover he knows a few “fresh” French phrases… you know… the type that might get his face slapped?

Turning our attention, now, to contestant Barbara and the panelists, they, too, appear to be under Real Donald’s influence. Upon the playback of our clip, please note the type of cuisine served up in the eateries, which they manage to “cook up”… i.e., how this ranges from fast food to ethnic fare. Re the latter, they mention nationalities, which that bigot oft belittles.

Well, that just about covers it. All that remains to be seen is our above clip… so… let’s all play Match Game!

 

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Dumb Donald: Drunk on Power!

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

Rayburn: Dumb Donald is soooooo dumb…
Audience: How dumb is he?
Rayburn: He thought Twelve O’Clock High was a movie biography of _____.

Soooooo… just how, pray tell, does Dumb Donald’s dumbness match the Real Donald’s (and vice versa)?

Well, it’s not all that obvious unless one already is… or becomes… familiar with Twelve O’Clock High’s WW-II storyline. Admittedly, as a pacifist, I’m not into flicks that glorify war’s regimented violence… and, for that matter, any other violence!

Nonetheless, I still needed to gain a better understanding re this day’s Match Game subject matter. Ergo, earlier today, courtesy of YouTube, I viewed Twelve O’Clock High, in its entirety. Almost immediately, I became impressed by the narrative’s depth… how this focused more upon soldier burn-out issues and downplayed the actual battle scenes. The screenplay writer even tacked on the dogfight between the U.S. Air Force and Nazi Germany Luftwaffe as almost a film ending afterthought.

Wikipedia, in meticulous detail, tells the rest of the story… e.g., relates how the U.S. Library of Congress considers Twelve O’Clock High culturally, historically and aesthetically significant. That very essay even mentions how the film remains “widely used in both the military and civilian worlds to teach the principles of leadership.”

Soooooo… Voilà! We’ve got a Match!

Real Donald is soooooo intoxicated with power…
How intoxicated with power is he?
He’d not recognize the principles of leadership if
they jumped up and bit him on his fat Fascist fanny!

Real Donald is soooooo headstrong…
How headstrong is he?
His backward emanations mind melded with those
bygone Match Game soothsayers; so much so that…

They created this Twelve O’Clock High scenario which, in turn, showcases the shallowness of both Donalds, which, in turn, cues the celeb panelists’ inebriation-related responses. But, will they match contestant Pat’s response? Let’s scroll up and click playback to find out…

 

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Recommendation: Seeing how pandemic shuttered cineplexes have left us with nothing to view and plenty of time on our hands, why not check out Twelve O’Clock High for yourself?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dumb Donald “Goes” Too Far!

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

Rayburn: Dumb Donald, the baseball player, is soooooo dumb…
Audience: How dumb is he?
Rayburn: After he stole 2nd base, he [B-L-A-N-K-E-D] it!

Soooooo… just how do the two Donalds’ base paths cross?

In this instance, the Real Donald has not only influenced the soothsayer creator(s) of that bygone, June 20, 1977, Dumb Donald scenario but also has guided the celebs’ and contestant Walt’s, responses. And no doubt about it, the Real Donald’s multilayered character flaws turbochaged his backward emanations, thusly…

The obscenely affluent Real Donald is soooooo privileged…
How privileged is he?
He was born on home plate and thinks he has hit a home run!

The playa / woman grabber / sex offender is soooooo criminal…
How criminal is he?
After he stole 2nd base, he stole 3rd base and home plate, too!

The so-called prez is soooooo larcenous…
How larcenous is he?
No legislator/infielder or judge/umpire could ever curb his stealing!

The Real Donald is soooooo entitled…
How entitled is he?
He’ll mark his territory whether it’s his or not.

The Real Donald, who rarely plays ball, is soooooo territorial…
How territorial is he?
After he stole 2nd base, he [B-L-A-N-K-E-D] it!
(Let’s leave it up to contestant Walt to fill in the blank)

The Real Donald is soooooo corrupt…
How corrupt is he?
After he stole 2nd base, he [B-L-A-N-K-E-D] it!
(Let’s leave it up to the celeb panelists to fill in the blank)

Yet, supernaturally speaking, the strongest, of all emanations, which influenced writer(s), celebs and contestant, alike, now plays out in this supplemental clip…

Soooooo… now that we’ve read and seen everything… even attended the World Series… let’s also “attend” to the Match Game clip… play it back to discover if Walt… now leaving the on deck circle and entering the batter’s box… gets a base hit or home run… or pops up or strikes out…

 

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Two Match Games’ Head to Head Match

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

Sadly, Gene Rayburn’s most popular incarnation of Match Game (1973 – 82), eventually, met an untimely death, mostly due to (likely avoidable) circumstances that had been beyond the control of the program’s bigshots.

Alas… Mr. Rayburn and his original panelist regulars… Brett Somers, Charles Nelson Reilly and Richard Dawson… along with staff announcer, Johnny Olson, have all since left us. One can only hope that their Earthly, witty personalities and heady chemistry live on in eternity… that these qualities have also made for a perfect, head to head match with their Maker.

In other words… what we speak of are five Matches Made in Heaven.

Fortunately, we now have a match made on Earth, too.

Since 2016, emcee Alec Baldwin and his writers… the kindred spirits of Rayburn and his clairvoyant writers… have been wittily building upon that bygone game show’s sturdy foundation, inclusive of updating the original, fake Dumb Donald.

Yes indeed, Real Dumb Donald scenarios play out regularly.

And, to be sure, panelist Rosie O’Donnell and her ongoing social media war with the Real Donald, can only add to the hilarity.

So, with all of these above-mentioned, up in heaven matters now duly noted, let’s scroll up to view our clip.

 

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Dumb Donald’s Green Thumb?

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

Rayburn: Dumb Donald is soooooo dumb…
Audience: How dumb is he?
Rayburn: He tried to grow a bird by planting _____ in his backyard.

Soooooo… just how visionary were Mr. Rayburn’s “in-house” soothsayers / writers way back on (episode air date) February 27, 1978? Well they certainly were able to foresee the Real Donald’s inadequacies re all things science.

Were any shrink able to professionally slog through the vegetable garden… that is his mind… the good doctor might even discover a childish mash up of The Birds and the Bees and Horticulture… oh… say…

Donald’s misconceptions that babies are either grown in cabbage patches or get delivered by storks? Or to put a Wall Street spin on the latter… GROANER ALERT… baby shoppers roll their carts through their local Stork Market’s Re-Produce Section?

Hell, that’d be just as silly as farmer Dumb Donald trying to grow a bird by planting “blank” in his backyard… and speaking of that…

Seeing how plenty of time has elapsed since Gene first planted this Dumb Donald “seed” deep within the fertile imaginations of contestant Barbara and the celebs, alike, let’s scroll back up to discover how everyone fills in that blank… and how many matches will occur…

 

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Dumb Donald’s Really Dumb REAL Fire!

 

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

Rayburn: Dumb Donald is really dumb…
Audience: How dumb is he?
Rayburn: He thought the movie, Towering Inferno, was a movie about _____ with heartburn!

Obviously, this scenario (originally televised on 05/11/1980) is based upon Producer Irwin Allen’s 1974 disaster film. Or is there something more prescient in play?

As it turns out, there had actually been a four alarm, high-rise fire in Midtown Manhattan, New York City… one which, to us, happened 2 years in the past AND from the Match Game writers’ point of view, was still 38 years off into their distant future.

The setting of that conflagration was none other than…

Trump Tower… the Real Donald’s profits first / safety last, 58 story skyscraper. Word has it that this ugly monolithic, phallic symbol is devoid of a top to bottom sprinkler system.

Tragically, it was on the 50th floor where tenant Todd Brassner, a 67-year-old art dealer, witnessed his life literally go up in flames. And no yuge surprise, his landlord’s Tweets, on the subject, had been totally devoid of empathy. Nope, nary a deadpanned, phoned in, “thoughts and prayers” offered up to Brassner’s surviving family and friends.

Two disasters… the fictional Towering Inferno Film and painfully real Trump Tower Fire. In a heartbeat, the similarity gets upstaged by our discussion’s solemnity.

One need not gaze into a crystal ball to see how, against such a backdrop, our above Match Game clip’s frivolity has already strayed over into unseemly and anticlimactic territory. So, to playback or not? Use your discretion.

 

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Dumb Donald: Spurious News

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

Rayburn: Dumb Donald is soooooo dumb…
Audience: How dumb is he?
Rayburn: After the doctor told him he had corns, he tried to ______ his feet.

Soooooo… how clairvoyant were these Match Game staffers? Well, they were able to envision how Real Donald once had his feet evaluated by a doctor… that podiatrist’s diagnosis of Foot Bone Spurs eventually assisting in his avoidance of military conscription. They also tapped into his propensity for sticking his foot in his mouth.

They sensed Real Donald’s Footwear Issues, too… e.g., his ascending the stairs to Air Force One with (toilet?) paper stuck to his shoe, and more recently, how his soles were soooooo slippery, he freaked out re the descent of a West Point Ramp… to quote Real Donald…

“General, there’s no way I can make it down that ramp without falling on my ass.”

These backward rippling temporal vibes had been soooooo strong, the writers felt compelled to involve Dumb Donald in, at least, three other foot related scenarios… all of which I’ve previously blogged about. If you missed viewing them or would like to rerun them, they’re all conveniently archived within my homepage’s Dumb Donald (Match Game) Category.

ASIDE: I’d be remiss not to mention how the first 1:30 of this episode also showcases the palpable, undercurrent of witty spontaneity, which was so prevalent throughout Match Game’s long run. To be sure, it was the repartee amongst Rayburn, the celebs and contestants, alike, which sent this show’s ratings soaring to the stars.

Speaking of upward momentum… it’s high time we scroll to the blog topper clip… to first experience the humor and then discover how well contestant Patty Currier will fare in her attempt to match the celeb panelists…

 

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Dumb Donald’s Suit

For optimal effect, prior to playing back the clip, above, read the set up, below…

From 1973 – 82, long before the Real Donald became a (four-letter) household word, we found the clever (clairvoyant?) Match Game writers submitting Dumb Donald scenarios for emcee Gene Rayburn to recite to the panelists, contestants and all who were playing along in the home and studio audiences… situations such as…

“When the lawyer threatened Dumb Donald with a suit,
Dumb Donald said, ‘I’ll take one with ________________!’”

So, re today’s Real Donald, where does that bygone writing staff’s prescience come into play?

To say the very least… today’s Donald is all too familiar with courtroom venues and attorneys-at-law.

To say a bit more… when it comes down to the legal proceedings’ hauling-in-your-ass phase, today’s Donald has been both the dragger and draggee. Since he’s renowned for making false / frivolous accusations and being accused of a (dirty) laundry list of crimes (too numerous to mention, HERE) he has wasted away most of his (alleged) adult life by lawyering up and clogging judges’ courtroom dockets… and in the process… tuckering out these adjudicators, too!

Hmm, at this point, there’s a need to discuss the minutiae. Ergo, I’d like to request a sidebar conference…

Your Honor, unlike my previous Dumb Donald posts, our above video presentation involves the entire Match Game episode. To hear Mr. Rayburn’s specific Round-3 Dumb Donald “testimony” you’ll need to FF to 12:28. Since the playback won’t autostop at 13:49, I’ll leave it to your discretion to either click stop or let everything play out to clip’s end.

That duly noted, it’s just about time to scroll upward… to discover how well contestant John Gordon will fare in his attempt to match the celeb panelists…

Hmm… knowing what we do know about the Real Donald, here’s how I’d fill in Mr. Rayburn’s blank…

“When the lawyer threatened Dumb Donald with a suit,
Dumb Donald said, ‘I’ll take one with a pair of handcuffs!’”

Maybe you’d like to play along, too? Let’s read it again…

“When the lawyer threatened Dumb Donald with a suit,
Dumb Donald said, ‘I’ll take one with ________________!’”

Hmm, why not enter your response in the comment section, below?

 

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